Full Moon Joys and Blues

The past four weeks really went by like a blur, I couldn't remember doing anything but eating, feeding, and sleeping.

After the initial "bliss" phase, we entered into real parenthood.

First the baby blues hit.

I had no idea I had so much tears, there are days I feel like I cried more than little Jack-Jack for no apparent reason (well, I know the reason is the hormone changes, I just didn't expect it to hit me!).  The combination of fatigue from the lack of solid continuous sleep, the initial struggle with breast feeding, the fact that I cannot seem to be able to shed the extra 10 kgs at all, and also feeling sweaty, dirty, and smelly from not being able to take a proper shower during the confinement period and the constant leaking of milk that makes everything you wear look funny.  I felt like an unattractive slob/milk machine with no life of my own in sight.   Also, no one/no books prepared me for the feeling of loneliness that hits after all the excitement, visitors, gifts start to fade away, the days became long and tiring, and lonely.  Even he's still cute as a button and I feel so much love for him, there are times I so crave that adult interaction, someone that can respond when I am talking, and even some tango.

Then the "schedule" debate -- Should we do the Gina Ford/cry it out method and put him on a schedule?  Should we feed on demand or at a three hour interval?  Should we introduce the bottle or do breast exclusively?  Should we let him sleep in the cot or in our bed?  There are no right or wrong answer to any of these questions.   Everyone's experience seem to lead to different advise.  Ultimately, as a new parent, you often just feel utterly helpless.  So many questions but no one can give you the right answer.  For someone who's used to "research leading to results", parenthood is just not something you can apply the same method on.  You have to take the time to learn who your child is, and adapt, adapt, adapt.

Breast feeding was also a big topic I struggled with for quite some time.  I was quite determined to breastfeed, but had no idea that new born babies eat so frequent, and so long.  There are days I feel I have been chained to a single position on the sofa or in bed for 2-3 hours at a time, barely able to fit in a bathroom break for myself.  I was worried at first that he was not latching properly, therefore leading to inefficient eating, and hence the long feeds.  After getting a lactation consultant in for a visit, I finally gave in to the idea to let babies be babies and stop having such high expectations, and just let him drink when he needs/wants to/feels like a nibble.  Even though that still needs to very sore arms (having to stay in the same position for a very long time), but at least it was easier on the mind to not keep on thinking about when the last feed was, how long it was, which side it was on etc.

I stopped analyzing.  Just do it is the more appropriate attitude.

And of course it seems impossible to fit in the time to even write a single blog post.  Last night we had our first "family dinner" -- mic and I sat at the dining table, I had baby strapped to my boobs feeding with the help of a sling -- it was quite a scene, I wish I had taken a picture of this ultimate multi-tasking ability I just learned.

And now I have to log off again.  Screaming baby needs attention.

10 Days of Bliss

So this is what bliss feels like.

The first 10 days of parenthood has been amazing.

The first five days we were very well taken care of at the hospital.  I know I complained about the Sanatorium before, but when it comes to service and oh my, the food, you get what you pay for at the Sanatorium for sure.  If it weren't for the policy towards my complications I would hands down recommend having a baby at the Sanatorium.  The nurses were very helpful, the doctors performed a smooth surgery and my c-section recovery has been going very well with me walking about quite normally by the 3rd day post operation (powerful painkillers played a key part).   I also looked forward to all my meals at the hospital and browsing through their 24 hour room service menu, even the plain congee tasted fabulous, a nice contrast to the rubbish I was eating the week before at Queen Mary.   There were some minor discomfort along the way, like the 24 hour non-stop itching as a side effect of the morphine injection, and the pain when my milk came in at day 3 that made me cry for the first time since the delivery.

However, the most important thing is how much I enjoyed every minute spent gazing down at little Jack Jack's face, feeling his steady breathing as he falls asleep against my chest after feeding.  Such special moments we shared together as a family, it brings a smile to my face at the thought of this little fragile being and giving him all the love I am capable of having.

Then the last 5 days we were back home.  It was always what I thought it should be like when we first bought the flat, to have a family in this tranquil special place for us.  With the confinement lady's help the transition back from hospital has been quite smooth as well.  I am very well taken care of with all the special food and drinks I am fed 4 times a day.  I washed my hair for the first time with a big tub of ginger water and felt human again.  The feeding took some time to establish but I am quite lucky with little Jack Jack being a pro at latching and my milk production plentiful.  Each day Mic takes a picture of little Jack Jack to watch the amazing progress of him growing.  He's already opening his eyes much more and he's been a really good and calm baby.