So while I still have my placenta precvia, we have learned from the doctor I also have a "marginal insertion of the cord". What that means is the cord is attached to the edge of the placenta, which also is very close to the cervix and has a higher risk of rupture which can be very dangerous for the baby because that means when I bleed, the baby may be bleeding, too. Of course the poor little thing doesn't have much blood to drain so one of the older doctors we saw seem to highlight that to be more of a risk (and a more rare case of high risk pregnancy) than the placenta situation and requires an experienced doctor who will be very quick with the c-section.
The good news is now that we are so used to this kind of news and more medical terms thrown at us, as long as it falls in the category of "there's nothing we can do about it", we have really sort of learned to let it go, and file it under the risk management part of our brain. The bottom line is, any type of bleeding with me will be an emergency and we just need to be quick in getting to the hospital and leave the rest up to God and the medical team that will be looking after me and little K.
The high risk pregnancy does make me appreciate every passing day with a little more awareness about the blessings we have each day. Sometimes, the blessing can be as small as "we have made it through another day with no sign of bleeding", and when that involves the risk of life and death, even that can be huge.
I have also came to terms with the fact that everyone's pregnancy is just different. Unfortunately I don't have the luck to be like one of my colleagues who was still hopping around in her high heels around 38 weeks in the office and leave on a Friday from work for a delivery on Saturday and the whole process just seems like a breeze.
But I am also convinced that every thing in life happens for a good reason. There are good lessons and takeaways for me to learn --- I had to slow down, I had to let go, I had to trust, I had to pray, and I had to thoroughly embrace the fact that I have been blessed to bear a life in my womb we have been looking forward to for so long despite all the physical discomforts of pregnancy.
The next milestone is week 34, which is the point when my doctor seem to think I can deliver at my originally booked private hospital as then the intervention related to pre-mature babies are a lot less and we don't need the public hospital ICU anymore, and of course the best is if we can make it to 37 or 38 weeks for my scheduled c-section safe and sound. As with all risk management strategies, we always hope everything is just for back-up, and that black swan scenario would never ever happen.
ps. we finally saw the first rendering of little K's 3D face yesterday, and he has a handsome little face! :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Week 29: Nesting
First, I have made it past week 28!
As the count down continues, the mix of feelings between excitement, anxiousness, plus a little bit of fear are all coming together. I think my hormones have been rather kind to me (and to mic) so I haven't had many episodes of extreme mood swings, but as they say in all the books about "nesting instincts", the number one anxiety I have is the fact that I feel rather anxious to set up our home for little K's arrival. I have already been converting all of our house cleaning methods away from chemical based stuff to natural solutions, and the next step is to set up the baby room. The anxiety is compounded especially with the medical risks that I have adding more uncertainty to the timing, and I feel the energy drifting away every day as the third trimester comes and I am back to the half comatose state every day.
Thanks to the fact that I am having little K following so many of my friends' footsteps, I have been a great beneficiary of hand-me-downs. Not only did I not have to buy any maternity clothing, little K will also be using cots, strollers, clothes, tubs from big brothers and sisters he will soon have a chance to meet. They are now pretty much all collected and PILED in our living room extension area. I had to draw the curtains constantly just so the sight of untidiness doesn't bother me.
The reason we haven't been able to set up the room yet is because my mother-in-law is back in HK again this year and spending an extended period with us -- the main reason mic has left work for two months this summer. My father-in-law will be joining us in 2 weeks time for another week so it's a total period for about 6 weeks that we don't have our home to ourselves. During this time we won't have the space to clear out and set up little K's room. And if the past pattern indicates future performance, the consumption power of these two are quite unparalleled, so our place will also need to be a temporary storage for them until they pack all their goodies back home. (MORE stuff PILED UP!)
I admire mic for having the heart and spending the time to do this for his parents, and I wanted to be the wife that's fully supportive, but at the same time the selfishness just creeps back into my heart constantly. I am so wanting to have a bit of time for just the two of us before little K comes and before I get too big and tired, because the next time we will have that time for each other might be 20 years from now? I am also so wanting to set up our home properly before I run out of energy (and that feels like an hourglass with the hole for the sand to go through suddenly widened while I watch it happen with zero control over my draining energy, kind of like superman meeting kryptonite). And with all this going on in my mind and body I have to try to hide the impatience I am getting to be a proper host.
I started to think -- we all have multiple roles we are fulfilling in life. We have had the luxury of our family being relatively healthy and independent the past decade, so we have pretty much concentrated on just being ourselves and playing the "husband" and "wife" role, but probably less so the "son" or "daughter" role. In the future, in addition to taking on the new roles of being a "mother" and a "father", there will probably be more demands on our time as "sons and daughters" as our parents age as well. Perhaps the "us" time era is long gone already, I just haven't had the courage to face it. Also as new parents ourselves, we are inevitably shaping little K's surroundings and life by the roles that we choose to pay more attention to. I, for one, had an amazingly close relationship with my grandmother, and if I don't provide little K with the environment with my in-laws, I am simply depriving him of that opportunity to even build that relationship.
All this reflection aside, I still really really want to have our flat back to set up the room!
As the count down continues, the mix of feelings between excitement, anxiousness, plus a little bit of fear are all coming together. I think my hormones have been rather kind to me (and to mic) so I haven't had many episodes of extreme mood swings, but as they say in all the books about "nesting instincts", the number one anxiety I have is the fact that I feel rather anxious to set up our home for little K's arrival. I have already been converting all of our house cleaning methods away from chemical based stuff to natural solutions, and the next step is to set up the baby room. The anxiety is compounded especially with the medical risks that I have adding more uncertainty to the timing, and I feel the energy drifting away every day as the third trimester comes and I am back to the half comatose state every day.
Thanks to the fact that I am having little K following so many of my friends' footsteps, I have been a great beneficiary of hand-me-downs. Not only did I not have to buy any maternity clothing, little K will also be using cots, strollers, clothes, tubs from big brothers and sisters he will soon have a chance to meet. They are now pretty much all collected and PILED in our living room extension area. I had to draw the curtains constantly just so the sight of untidiness doesn't bother me.
The reason we haven't been able to set up the room yet is because my mother-in-law is back in HK again this year and spending an extended period with us -- the main reason mic has left work for two months this summer. My father-in-law will be joining us in 2 weeks time for another week so it's a total period for about 6 weeks that we don't have our home to ourselves. During this time we won't have the space to clear out and set up little K's room. And if the past pattern indicates future performance, the consumption power of these two are quite unparalleled, so our place will also need to be a temporary storage for them until they pack all their goodies back home. (MORE stuff PILED UP!)
I admire mic for having the heart and spending the time to do this for his parents, and I wanted to be the wife that's fully supportive, but at the same time the selfishness just creeps back into my heart constantly. I am so wanting to have a bit of time for just the two of us before little K comes and before I get too big and tired, because the next time we will have that time for each other might be 20 years from now? I am also so wanting to set up our home properly before I run out of energy (and that feels like an hourglass with the hole for the sand to go through suddenly widened while I watch it happen with zero control over my draining energy, kind of like superman meeting kryptonite). And with all this going on in my mind and body I have to try to hide the impatience I am getting to be a proper host.
I started to think -- we all have multiple roles we are fulfilling in life. We have had the luxury of our family being relatively healthy and independent the past decade, so we have pretty much concentrated on just being ourselves and playing the "husband" and "wife" role, but probably less so the "son" or "daughter" role. In the future, in addition to taking on the new roles of being a "mother" and a "father", there will probably be more demands on our time as "sons and daughters" as our parents age as well. Perhaps the "us" time era is long gone already, I just haven't had the courage to face it. Also as new parents ourselves, we are inevitably shaping little K's surroundings and life by the roles that we choose to pay more attention to. I, for one, had an amazingly close relationship with my grandmother, and if I don't provide little K with the environment with my in-laws, I am simply depriving him of that opportunity to even build that relationship.
All this reflection aside, I still really really want to have our flat back to set up the room!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Week 27: Quiz
Question: What looks like a whale but moves like a penguin?
*******
The growth that is anticipated in the coming third trimester seems to have happened on me, already. I am sure the baby is growing leaps and bounds which is exciting, since my one and only goal these days is to fatten him up to lessen the risk if he decides to come out early. That being said, the weight I feel in my mid section, the backaches, the tossing and turning at night, the leg cramps, etc etc, are the side effects of the growth. And just when you think there's no way your body mass can expand further, you know it will, because there's a solid three more months to go where little K will triple his weight. I already feel like a whale and walk around waddling like a penguin.
Little K is now estimated to be 1kg already! (Oops, that means the other 8 kgs I gained is all on me!).
Yesterday we visited the public hospital in Hong Kong, so now we are finally registered in Queen Mary Hospital in case of an emergency. The system was so confusing I almost lost it at the nurse who was trying to cancel my appointment with the private clinic doctor within the public hospital without my permission. Her bad English and my bad Cantonese that got in the way of our communication certainly didn't help. We left home at 830AM, and after running around 3 different locations in 3 hours, we finally saw a doctor at 1130AM.
At least the visit finally gave me some clarity on the system that had confused and frustrated me so -- now I understand that :
1. There is the public system and the private system within a public hospital, you have to elect one and stick with it, and you are only allowed to switch once, if you ever choose to. The difference if obviously cost and level of service, but given my gracious insurance plan I am certainly opting for service over cost;
2. Both systems can offer shared care with my primary physician, so that means in case of an emergency before 34 weeks I can deliver at Queen Mary where someone has my record and can look after me appropriately and after 34 weeks I can go with my original plan of delivery at the Sanatorium (even though my own doctor was originally trying to convince me that was not the case, and only being in the public side can the public hospital be a back-up plan)
3. Relationship ("Guan-Xi") matters -- In the case of the private side of the public hospital, the doctor actually has the right to refuse your case and kick you back to the public system, so you either really have to pull some strings or your case better be "interesting" enough for the doctor. Fortunately or unfortunately my placenta did not disappoint --- first the previa and now a new emerging fact that it has sort of become two with a main one on the right side and a little satellite on the left with a membrane connecting the two, I am not quite sure what that means yet but it seems to require close monitoring and something that would arouse the interest of a doctor who's looking for something interesting instead of the normal boring pregnancy cases with no complications. The other lucky factor for us was we were only able to get this appointment not through the help of my own doctor but the second opinion I sought in Hong Kong and a very helpful doctor that has kindly written a personalized referral letter. For that reason I am actually really upset at my own doctor for not being helpful at all in the process, but again I heard he's an excellent surgeon so I will have to overlook his lack of communication skills and bed side manners and trust that he will be a good person to perform a C-section on me if I make it past 34 weeks.
So all in, we have made some progress navigating the system and successfully have a plan in the case of an emergency. Again I hope all of this will just be a back-up plan we will never have to pull the trigger on.
Answer: Me
*******
The growth that is anticipated in the coming third trimester seems to have happened on me, already. I am sure the baby is growing leaps and bounds which is exciting, since my one and only goal these days is to fatten him up to lessen the risk if he decides to come out early. That being said, the weight I feel in my mid section, the backaches, the tossing and turning at night, the leg cramps, etc etc, are the side effects of the growth. And just when you think there's no way your body mass can expand further, you know it will, because there's a solid three more months to go where little K will triple his weight. I already feel like a whale and walk around waddling like a penguin.
Little K is now estimated to be 1kg already! (Oops, that means the other 8 kgs I gained is all on me!).
Yesterday we visited the public hospital in Hong Kong, so now we are finally registered in Queen Mary Hospital in case of an emergency. The system was so confusing I almost lost it at the nurse who was trying to cancel my appointment with the private clinic doctor within the public hospital without my permission. Her bad English and my bad Cantonese that got in the way of our communication certainly didn't help. We left home at 830AM, and after running around 3 different locations in 3 hours, we finally saw a doctor at 1130AM.
At least the visit finally gave me some clarity on the system that had confused and frustrated me so -- now I understand that :
1. There is the public system and the private system within a public hospital, you have to elect one and stick with it, and you are only allowed to switch once, if you ever choose to. The difference if obviously cost and level of service, but given my gracious insurance plan I am certainly opting for service over cost;
2. Both systems can offer shared care with my primary physician, so that means in case of an emergency before 34 weeks I can deliver at Queen Mary where someone has my record and can look after me appropriately and after 34 weeks I can go with my original plan of delivery at the Sanatorium (even though my own doctor was originally trying to convince me that was not the case, and only being in the public side can the public hospital be a back-up plan)
3. Relationship ("Guan-Xi") matters -- In the case of the private side of the public hospital, the doctor actually has the right to refuse your case and kick you back to the public system, so you either really have to pull some strings or your case better be "interesting" enough for the doctor. Fortunately or unfortunately my placenta did not disappoint --- first the previa and now a new emerging fact that it has sort of become two with a main one on the right side and a little satellite on the left with a membrane connecting the two, I am not quite sure what that means yet but it seems to require close monitoring and something that would arouse the interest of a doctor who's looking for something interesting instead of the normal boring pregnancy cases with no complications. The other lucky factor for us was we were only able to get this appointment not through the help of my own doctor but the second opinion I sought in Hong Kong and a very helpful doctor that has kindly written a personalized referral letter. For that reason I am actually really upset at my own doctor for not being helpful at all in the process, but again I heard he's an excellent surgeon so I will have to overlook his lack of communication skills and bed side manners and trust that he will be a good person to perform a C-section on me if I make it past 34 weeks.
So all in, we have made some progress navigating the system and successfully have a plan in the case of an emergency. Again I hope all of this will just be a back-up plan we will never have to pull the trigger on.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Week 26: Finish Line in Sight
We made it safely back to Hong Kong after the Taiwan trip and settled back at home in Hong Kong, where we will be staying put until little K's arrival.
Week 28 is the first milestone I have in mind, and we are two weeks away from that goal - that is when pre-term babies have a much better chance of survival. Of course the longer he wants to stay inside the better, but at least the risk is already much reduced at that stage.
Of course with the end of the second trimester approaching, the word "comfortable" seems to be further away from the reality of pregnancy. I am already feeling my lower back aches, and the weight of my tummy seems to be pushing down on all the internal organs whatever their positions are at this point. Sleep continues to be a problem but at least I am able to catch up on my rest during the day with the flexible work arrangement I have.
Little K is so active now I often wonder what sort of performances he is actually putting up in my belly, I feel him left right and center sometimes all at the same time -- I wonder if I am actually carrying an octopus?
The other bit of good news is at the doctor's visit yesterday we discovered my stubborn placenta didn't seem so stubborn afterall, it did move slightly to the right side. Even though it still covers the cervix and would still be considered a placenta previa, but the condition has certainly improved compared to 4 weeks ago when it even seemed impossible to the doctors that the placenta will move away at all. Let's hope the expanding uterus keeps pulling it further up, up and away! While the risk persists, I am allowed very little activity under mic's watch. I had no idea mic would be so conversative! Even walking on the slopes where the surface is not quite flat is frowned upon. Sometimes I feel my energy being trapped all inside, dying to be doing something more active, but again, mic has a good point -- with the finish line so close in sight, why take the risk?
Week 28 is the first milestone I have in mind, and we are two weeks away from that goal - that is when pre-term babies have a much better chance of survival. Of course the longer he wants to stay inside the better, but at least the risk is already much reduced at that stage.
Of course with the end of the second trimester approaching, the word "comfortable" seems to be further away from the reality of pregnancy. I am already feeling my lower back aches, and the weight of my tummy seems to be pushing down on all the internal organs whatever their positions are at this point. Sleep continues to be a problem but at least I am able to catch up on my rest during the day with the flexible work arrangement I have.
Little K is so active now I often wonder what sort of performances he is actually putting up in my belly, I feel him left right and center sometimes all at the same time -- I wonder if I am actually carrying an octopus?
The other bit of good news is at the doctor's visit yesterday we discovered my stubborn placenta didn't seem so stubborn afterall, it did move slightly to the right side. Even though it still covers the cervix and would still be considered a placenta previa, but the condition has certainly improved compared to 4 weeks ago when it even seemed impossible to the doctors that the placenta will move away at all. Let's hope the expanding uterus keeps pulling it further up, up and away! While the risk persists, I am allowed very little activity under mic's watch. I had no idea mic would be so conversative! Even walking on the slopes where the surface is not quite flat is frowned upon. Sometimes I feel my energy being trapped all inside, dying to be doing something more active, but again, mic has a good point -- with the finish line so close in sight, why take the risk?
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