Can You Really Be Prepared?

With my bulging tummy, I have taken on a keen interest in reading child education related books.  There are a few good ones that are science based and written by M.D.s -- "Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina"  "Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax"  "Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax" and I am now starting another book called "Nutureshock by Po Bronson".  I have also read from quite a few Chinese authors 蔡穎卿，獅子老師，洪蘭，錫安媽媽 and have been rather inspired by some of their parenting styles and wisdom.

When looking through the section of childcare books in the library, the sheer number of books and "experts" offering advise just startles you.  Even reading some of these books that are science based rather than anecdotal, it seems that the conventional wisdom of parenting also changes like fashion from time to time.  Praise is good, praise is bad; fixed feeding schedule is good, fixed feeding schedule is bad; breast feeding is good, formula is good; single sex classrooms are good, single sex classrooms are bad.  In the sea of seemingly worthy parenthood advise for new parents like us, I do wonder if you can really ever be really prepared for this role, like how you prepare for everything else in life.

At the end of the day, I guess what matters the most is your heart and awareness.   If you put your heart to being a good parent, paying attention to getting to know this new person that you are bringing to this world and (try your very best on) being on your best behavior so they can learn from the best example they can get (and that's where awareness comes in, because most of the time we have our own behavioral blind spots), and offer them love that is real (but not spoiling them), then that's probably the best you can do.

There are so many factors that come into play in one's life and shape one's character.  I have been reflecting on my very own experience growing up, and I, from a rather unconventional upbringing by my grandmother, am pretty sure she did not consult any books.  However from her I learned the value of love, the value of the closeness of family, the value of being self-sufficient and independent, being frugal, being environmentally friendly, and being kind -- every single value and behavior that she exhibited herself and gave an active example for me to learn from.   On the other hand, not really having the environment of witnessing a "mother and father" interaction growing up, I was also able to shape my own marriage into something that is wonderful and became such a pillar of my life and well being today -- something I did not have an active example to learn from.

I aspire to set up a home of comfort, support, love, and have a surrounding of calmness that comes from mature emotional relationships and elimination of the distractions of too much TV/digital distractions --- in a way, kind of like the life that Mic and I already share today.  My favorite part of the day is always the morning breakfast rituals -- we sit at the dining table with Jazz Wyoming in the background (a lovely Internet streaming radio station) eating our breakfast together, share thoughts from our day before and write down our "highlights" in this joint diary that we kept together for a few years now.  Even though occasionally "Steve Jobs" come in between us and provides some distraction when mic gets stuck on a new iPhone app or I on checking facebook updates, most of the time we manage to make a real connection with each other every single day, and end with a little hug before we set out to our jobs.

One day I want to bring little K into this lovely family time and this little oasis that Mic and I have created together.  In this crazy day and age where everything is about speed and excess, I am so glad we can retreat into our little realm of slowness and quietness, and enjoy nothing more but the simple existence of each other's company as what I call -- family.