Consciousness

It's been rainy and grey the entire time we have been back in Hong Kong, funny to say this, but I am starting to miss the blue skies of NZ.

The days have been busy trying to shop for the new house.  Luckily the house is not that big so we don't have that many things to buy, but we already made three Ap Lei Chau trips and finally placed an order for our new dining table and chairs yesterday.

It is exciting thinking about living in our new house, and furnishing a space.  It was almost like buying our HK apartment eight years ago and the excitement planning the renovation.  I remember what hard work it was but it was also really nice being able to enjoy living in HK that much more after having our own space designed to our needs.  I can also finally say after three years since the start of us embarking on the NZ idea, I am truly ready to leave this city.  I no longer fear the prospect of living in a country where we have to start over from scratch on everything, and a life with no helpers.  The latter really sounds like such a first world problem and makes me feel like a looser that is even something I fear.  However, the last few years and our extended travel has allowed us to practice living in all sorts of conditions and prepared me for this final move.

It's still a big task to sort and organize all our belongings, but we are doing it at our own pace and not in any rush.  Mic said to me the other day, we are now truly chartering our life every single day.  We determine what we do every single second of the day, and in a way, that is a great responsibility because we don't have any outside distractions/excuses for anything we do.  I found this phase of our lives very inward facing, partly because of the constant demands of the children which takes us out of the social scene, but also the inward reflections are very true and personal.  It is a phase of a deep true look at what makes me wake up every morning, what brings joy to me, and what I choose to spend my time and energy on.  I no longer have things that just fills my day, like work, which makes me just go full speed ahead and allows me to moan about the life I was missing.  The level of consciousness is so much higher and I actually find I am striving that much more to improve on my personality faults and be a better person.

There are still days I fail miserably, at being patient, being charitable, being compassionate.   There are days I fall into my own pit of misery and bad moods.   But at least I am aware, and every day, trying a little harder, to make the right choices with the consciousness I have not experienced before.