Full Moon Joys and Blues

The past four weeks really went by like a blur, I couldn't remember doing anything but eating, feeding, and sleeping.

After the initial "bliss" phase, we entered into real parenthood.

First the baby blues hit.

I had no idea I had so much tears, there are days I feel like I cried more than little Jack-Jack for no apparent reason (well, I know the reason is the hormone changes, I just didn't expect it to hit me!).  The combination of fatigue from the lack of solid continuous sleep, the initial struggle with breast feeding, the fact that I cannot seem to be able to shed the extra 10 kgs at all, and also feeling sweaty, dirty, and smelly from not being able to take a proper shower during the confinement period and the constant leaking of milk that makes everything you wear look funny.  I felt like an unattractive slob/milk machine with no life of my own in sight.   Also, no one/no books prepared me for the feeling of loneliness that hits after all the excitement, visitors, gifts start to fade away, the days became long and tiring, and lonely.  Even he's still cute as a button and I feel so much love for him, there are times I so crave that adult interaction, someone that can respond when I am talking, and even some tango.

Then the "schedule" debate -- Should we do the Gina Ford/cry it out method and put him on a schedule?  Should we feed on demand or at a three hour interval?  Should we introduce the bottle or do breast exclusively?  Should we let him sleep in the cot or in our bed?  There are no right or wrong answer to any of these questions.   Everyone's experience seem to lead to different advise.  Ultimately, as a new parent, you often just feel utterly helpless.  So many questions but no one can give you the right answer.  For someone who's used to "research leading to results", parenthood is just not something you can apply the same method on.  You have to take the time to learn who your child is, and adapt, adapt, adapt.

Breast feeding was also a big topic I struggled with for quite some time.  I was quite determined to breastfeed, but had no idea that new born babies eat so frequent, and so long.  There are days I feel I have been chained to a single position on the sofa or in bed for 2-3 hours at a time, barely able to fit in a bathroom break for myself.  I was worried at first that he was not latching properly, therefore leading to inefficient eating, and hence the long feeds.  After getting a lactation consultant in for a visit, I finally gave in to the idea to let babies be babies and stop having such high expectations, and just let him drink when he needs/wants to/feels like a nibble.  Even though that still needs to very sore arms (having to stay in the same position for a very long time), but at least it was easier on the mind to not keep on thinking about when the last feed was, how long it was, which side it was on etc.

I stopped analyzing.  Just do it is the more appropriate attitude.

And of course it seems impossible to fit in the time to even write a single blog post.  Last night we had our first "family dinner" -- mic and I sat at the dining table, I had baby strapped to my boobs feeding with the help of a sling -- it was quite a scene, I wish I had taken a picture of this ultimate multi-tasking ability I just learned.

And now I have to log off again.  Screaming baby needs attention.

10 Days of Bliss

So this is what bliss feels like.

The first 10 days of parenthood has been amazing.

The first five days we were very well taken care of at the hospital.  I know I complained about the Sanatorium before, but when it comes to service and oh my, the food, you get what you pay for at the Sanatorium for sure.  If it weren't for the policy towards my complications I would hands down recommend having a baby at the Sanatorium.  The nurses were very helpful, the doctors performed a smooth surgery and my c-section recovery has been going very well with me walking about quite normally by the 3rd day post operation (powerful painkillers played a key part).   I also looked forward to all my meals at the hospital and browsing through their 24 hour room service menu, even the plain congee tasted fabulous, a nice contrast to the rubbish I was eating the week before at Queen Mary.   There were some minor discomfort along the way, like the 24 hour non-stop itching as a side effect of the morphine injection, and the pain when my milk came in at day 3 that made me cry for the first time since the delivery.

However, the most important thing is how much I enjoyed every minute spent gazing down at little Jack Jack's face, feeling his steady breathing as he falls asleep against my chest after feeding.  Such special moments we shared together as a family, it brings a smile to my face at the thought of this little fragile being and giving him all the love I am capable of having.

Then the last 5 days we were back home.  It was always what I thought it should be like when we first bought the flat, to have a family in this tranquil special place for us.  With the confinement lady's help the transition back from hospital has been quite smooth as well.  I am very well taken care of with all the special food and drinks I am fed 4 times a day.  I washed my hair for the first time with a big tub of ginger water and felt human again.  The feeding took some time to establish but I am quite lucky with little Jack Jack being a pro at latching and my milk production plentiful.  Each day Mic takes a picture of little Jack Jack to watch the amazing progress of him growing.  He's already opening his eyes much more and he's been a really good and calm baby.

Week 37/ Oct 27- Jack Jack Arrives!

The morning of Oct 27, Saturday at 10:33am, Jean-Jacques ("Jack-Jack") Wan-Min-Kee joined the world.

I am still a little amazed and it all feels a bit unreal as I am holding my little bundle of joy, couldn't stop gazing into his eyes and smiling at his perfect little nose, mouth, ears, hands, feet....

The evening before the C-section I could barely sleep from the excitement, anxiousness, and nervousness.   It was also my last night at the Queen Mary hospital -- I am sure it was a fine hospital but it was not the world's best experience and the food and service were both rather disastrous, plus every night I had to bid my husband goodnight like I am still living in a school dorm room with a curfew and then spending the night alone.   My highlight at Queen Mary was on my third of fourth day, one of the nurses came by on a regular morning check holding her charts and asked if I had given birth the Friday before --- This was when I was still rather pregnant with a tummy you cannot miss, and weren't the nurses supposed to be on high alert to send the high risk vasa previa patient to the operating theater at the first sign of labor???  I had to laugh at how clueless the nurse was and was praying that nothing bad will ever happen at this hospital after I have clearly lost some faith in them after that incident.

Mic came to pick me up at 630AM for the transfer to Sanatorium Hospital.  Hong Kong is actually quite pleasant at 630AM on a Saturday morning, no traffic and the usual craziness.  It was a good and calm start to the day, I thought.  We arrived at our beautiful room (it is a strange way to describe a hospital room, but it was beautiful) overlooking the Happy Valley racecourse, and finished the paper work and prep for the operation scheduled at 10AM.

The procedure went rather smoothly.  I was fully conscious with the spinal block, just numb from the chest down, chatting with the doctor and mic during the procedure.  Mic was in the room getting ready for photos and holding my hand the whole time.  I am surprised that mic had the guts to look over the blue surgical screen although he knew his limits and came back to my side when he felt a bit nauseous.  It would not be good if he fainted before the baby arrives.  I told mic he's now truly seen a side of me that no one else has ever seen before -- including my organs that I have never seen myself.

Jack Jack came out at 10:33am with a loud cry, and my tears couldn't stop rolling down my face.  After all that we have been through, we have a baby finally.  Mic couldn't stop saying "He's beautiful.  He's just beautiful" as the doctors were pulling him out of me.  I couldn't see Jack Jack until they cleaned him up a bit and was swiftly put in the incubator to prevent heat loss.  It wasn't quite the birth I was expecting with the long skin-to-skin contact and bonding, but how I could I complain.  This is already everything we wished for and a healthy baby is in our hands, and we are thoroughly enjoying every second of the blissful parenthood.

Week 36: More Drama ?!

I thought we finally have the plan sorted out once and for all after our routine check up yesterday after all the back and forth, wait and see approach over the past few weeks -- the plan was to be admitted to the Sanatorium on Saturday this week, stay in the hospital for close monitoring for a week with delivery scheduled on Oct 26 at 37 weeks full term -- I have my bag half packed, thinking that I will have plenty of time to familiarize myself with the environment before little K is born in the same hospital, and ready to enjoy the last two nights at home with mic.

It felt good to have a plan, finally.

Today, the doctor called to tell me the Sanatorium hospital changed its policy for admitting vasa previa patients, so we have to come up with yet another alternative plan.

In short, I think the hospital doesn't want the liability of a vasa previa patient, so they have turned their last vasa previa patient away to the public hospital during the "observation/monitoring" phase and only admitting her back for the final scheduled c-section delivery.  They didn't want to handle the middle-of-the-night emergencies when you only have minutes to have the baby delivered safely so said it was in the patient's best interest to be somewhere else as they are not equipped to handle this.  Yet they still want to make $$ off of your delivery so you go back for the safe and easy stuff as in the final delivery if nothing bad has happened before.   I am sorry, but that is just so typical Hong Kong and so pisses me off.

I am also upset that my doctor has only found this out as he was sorting my admission out this week as opposed to being prepared for this weeks in advance.

I know we are becoming pros at adapting and altering our plans, but I actually hate change.

So the options the doctor gave me are  ---
1) stay at home and hope for the best until the scheduled c-section date  -- even my doctor think that's too risky and not wise
2) check in to the public hospital first this week and go back to the Sanatorium for the final delivery either Oct 24 or Oct 31 (these are the only dates they have an operating room available) --- that involves quite a bit of work to sort through but seems like the most likely outcome
3) deliver the baby tomorrow at the Sanatorium to avoid the risks all together -- I don't think I am mentally ready for him to come out tomorrow just yet.

Stay tuned.  There's never a dull moment in our pregnancy.

Mic vs Photographer

There's a reason people deserve to get paid for their work.  

And here's the difference between my weekly mug shot that mic takes

And some better pictures from the photographer ....

Polar Bear Habitat

The latest "nickname" mic gave me is Polar Bear.

Hong Kong's weather has cooled down considerably from the hot and muggy summer to the breezy fall.  However, I am still feeling perpetually hot like my body thermostat has broken down that I can no longer distinguish when it's really a bit warm or when it's just me.  I would have never turned on the air conditioner at night in mid October in the past (what a waste of $$!), but now I have it on at 23 degrees almost all day long, with the ceiling fan blasting, and still wearing a tank top and shorts.

One day mic came home from work found me in bed in the refrigerator like room and said "It's so cold in here.  Our home is like a polar bear habitat now."   I think the "hot mama" phenomenon is getting worse as the bun in the oven is more and more baked.

And if Hong Kong does have a poor polar bear around panting from the heat, I am happy to share my home with him.

Photo Shoot

We had a really fun session with the photographer at home this morning.

Given the delay in admission to the hospital, I was lucky enough to find someone on two day's notice to come and take some pictures of the pregnancy at home today.   It made me appreciate how much we love every corner of our home, and also thinking through all the little moments during the pregnancy I wanted us to remember.  It was also fun just putting on some make up and doing my hair so I am not feeling like a complete slob at home.

We'll hopefully get the photos in two weeks time before little K comes.  (And I will finally have some pictures other than the weekly mug shots mic took of me)