Week 12: Hooray!

Now I am firmly in the 12th week, the bleeding has stopped, and the energy is certainly magically returning.  I am able to do a lot more during the day, even making a few meals back in the kitchen.   Yesterday, I changed Jack-Jack's poopy diaper without throwing up, which is a real milestone.

Tomorrow is the big day where we go to the doctor for the high definition scan as well as the genetic screening tests, and we will also be able to find out the sex of the baby.  It will be nice to see K#2 again after all these weeks.  With my bulging belly, hopefully that is indicating that little K#2 is growing well.  I am a bit nervous of course but trying to not worry about anything and believe that what will be will be.  It's all beyond our control, we might as well pray for the best outcome.

The big monster, a.k.a the nausea and the lack of appetite is still hanging around, making very unpredictable appearances.  I certainly find it gets worse if I eat anything sweet, so that makes fruits off limits for me still.  I can't enjoy dessert for sure.  Even cereal (with dried fruits) that is relatively not sugar loaded makes me sick after eating.  But hey, at least I am able to slowly starting to enjoy most of my meals now, and there's no complaining comparing to what I went through the last six weeks throwing up after just taking a sip of water!

Week 11: Insomnia

Ever since my last pregnancy, the ability which I have known all my life -- to sleep through the night -- seem to have left me.

And then, it's the first year of having a baby, even when you want to sleep through the night, you are not able to.

Finally Jack-Jack started consistently sleeping through the night since he was 15 months old, in his own bed, which is roughly three to four months ago.  It really made a huge difference to our lives.  The pink complexion finally returned to our faces, we are able to have more or less a normal life, and the idea that "we can live through this again and have another child" seems less insane.  It is rather cute to hear his little thumping footsteps in the morning when he wakes up, climbing off his own bed and come in to our room for a morning cuddle when he wakes up, all smily and cheerful.  No longer do we hear the crying in the morning nor have to rush to him in the darkness of the night.  I guess those were also the brief moments I enjoyed a solid sound night's sleep.  Given that Jack-Jack can sleep about 10-11 hours at night, our early to bed routine also means we enjoyed at least 9 hours of beauty sleep a day, plus the bonus time to read a bit before bed.  As a result, I finished about 15 books in that month alone, finally able to enjoy my reading habits again!

And then, I got pregnant.

I have no idea why insomnia always accompanies me during my pregnancy.  On the good nights, I am only up for 30 mins to 1 hour around 2 - 3AM, on the bad nights (i.e. last night), I have been up since 2:30AM and at 7:30AM finally gave up the tossing and turning and decided to get up and just get on with my morning and catch my power nap later.   Sometimes it's the nausea, sometimes its getting up to pee, sometimes its a sudden thought of something on the to-do-list, sometimes its dreaming about what I can/cannot eat the following day.  Sometimes its my body's crazy broken thermostat -- I am radiating heat, yet the aircon just brings the chills to my bones, making no temperature a comfortable temperature to sleep in.

By now, the to-dos are largely done.  I already hired my confinement lady (and this time I was able to hire someone I really like, so hopefully it will be better than the last one around).  We just signed up a new helper who will be starting with us in late July after our old helper has left us to get married.  This took a really long time, and was something that was really bothering me for some time but is also finally done.  I am going to pay the deposit at the hospital after my next doctor's visit once its confirmed everything is okay after the basic genetic screening tests.  All seems to be in place and I should have no more worries yet I still cannot sleep.

Oh well, let's hope as the hormones settle, the insomnia will go away.  At the end of the day, I better build up a decent sleep surplus now getting ready for the sleep deficit that will soon come in 6 months time.

p.s.  The coconut water magic is gone again and I am in search of the next thing I can drink......

Week 10: Thank God for Coconut Water

I am finally towards the end of week 10.  Looking at the diminishing little yellow tablets of folic acid, I happily count down towards the end of my first trimester.

Things are slowing starting to get better -- the fatigue is not as intense, so I am able to enjoy some outings with mic and Jack-Jack.   The last bleeding episode is 10 days ago so I am in the safe zone for some time now, casting the doubt of whether this is a viable pregnancy away.  The nausea, well, I wish it is going as well but it still follows me around most of the day with that all day sea-sick feeling.   The worst part of all is my inability to take in any water -- the taste of water makes me gag like I have just had a mouthful of the most foul tasting thing.  Last time adding slices of lemon, or infuse the water with ginger helped.  This time, none of the old tricks worked.  With the heat in HK intensifying, I can feel my dehydration and the dryness of my mouth and tongue, but I still couldn't drink any water.

Then I discovered one day eating at a Thai restaurant I could actually drink a whole young fresh coconut without any side effects.   Praise God for coconut water, my only source of liquid right now.  (And the fact that there's a shop in the Wanchai wet market that sells fresh coconut water every day!)

Week 9 : Long Days

I started re-reading my blog when I was pregnant with Jack-Jack, to see when things started to get better - I think my appetite returned at week 14 but the bleeding was not seen after week 9.  Well, I am almost at the end of week 9 already and the bleeding still comes on and off leaving me half stranded in bed.  Whenever I feel a bit more energetic and active, it usually follows by another episode of bleeding, reminding me to slow down again.  The past four weeks really felt like it went by so slowly.  There's a Chinese saying that describes this really well, "度日如年", which means the days feels as long as the years.

Life is sort of on hold now.  We can't plan our summer travels to Taiwan and Europe until we know it's safe to travel from the doctor.  As the summer heat gets unbearable in HK in even early June, I am longing ever more for some cold Scandinavian crisp air and blue skies.... And of course to stop feeling so queasy and tired as well.  Mic said I am like the "anti-Katherine" now, feeling and acting like the opposite of the old me -- I am now the lethargic, taxi-taking, air-conditioning blasting person, walking at the speed of a snail.

Hopefully, as the end of the first trimester nears, things will start to look up soon.  At least on the good news side, our doctor's visit revealed K#2 growing well and now already at 2.7cm.  It started to look like a baby now on the monitor and we also saw a bit of its movements.  The excitement certainly wasn't like when we saw Jack-Jack for the first time, but it still was reassuring to see the beginning of life, safely and soundly in me.

Week 7 - Big monster

When I was pregnant with Jack-Jack, he was really actually pretty kind to me.

This #2 little K however, is really giving mommy a hard time.  The nausea and the sensitivity to smell of all kinds is just at an all time high -- believe it or not, I can smell the oil that accumulates on my nose in this hot humid weather and that makes me sick!  The little monster has evolved into a BIG monster this time around, its magical powers stronger than ever, making me wanting to throw up and actually throwing up day and night.  The worst is feeling sudden extreme hunger accompanied by a strong sense of nausea at 3am that actually wakes me up and keeps me tossing and turning for at least an hour every night.  I know I am probably not the worst case there is out there, at the end of the day, I am able to keep most of my food inside my stomach, and just end up throwing up this disgusting stomach acid.   Also I have already lost about 1-2 kg since the start of this pregnancy indicating that I am not eating as much as I usually do.  Occasionally I have managed to think of something I wanted, like yesterday, I enjoyed a full serving of a Japanese pork chop at my favourite shop Tonkichi.  That was a real delight.

The bleeding is still a continued concern.   Every time I think things are getting better and I am ready to be a bit more active, the bleeding begins.  It seems that God is trying to remind me that I should rest and slow down even more.  However, it does get quite boring being on bed rest most of the time, and I feel bad for poor mic who is taking on all the housework and taking care of Jack-Jack.

This will all pass, I know.  As long as #2 little K is growing well and healthy, that's all we can ever ask for.   Last week we saw #2's little flickering heart on the screen already.  The sign that a real life is growing inside me, and our family, is soon to be joined by another human being

Week 5: Little Monster, Bleeding, and Bed Rest

It seems that the second time around everything happens in fast forward mode.

First, the little monster visits came rather early.

Within a week of the pregnancy test I was already blessed with morning sickness reminding me of the existence of little K every day, and this time it seems to be not just around meal time but at times in the middle of the night feeling quite nauseous.  The heightened sensitivity to smells implies gaging at everything unpleasant and might have otherwise been pleasant -- so mic has been banned from the ginger yuzu Molten Brown shower gel, and I have been relieved of Jack-Jack diaper changing duties.  Actually sometimes just little Jack-Jack doing his usual drooling all over me during play time and the remaining smell of saliva made me gag.   I think I actually scared Jack-Jack once by making a strong gesture of throwing up right at him.

Two days ago the bleeding started, just when I was hoping this pregnancy would be a little less dramatic before.  The bright red blood stream brought back lots of fear, but I know the protocol now -- lie down immediately, call the doctor, prepare to visit the clinic.   Luckily the bleeding stopped the same night and at the visit to the doctor he confirmed that one little embryo sack is growing well, baby is about 2mm in size, a little bigger than the tip of a pen now.   We didn't see the heartbeat yet since the unexpected event of bleeding meant we visited the doctor slightly ahead of schedule.  I was again reminded of what a waiting game this whole pregnancy business is.  Patience, patience, patience.

With the incident it also means I am taking things even a bit more easy, resting in bed as much as possible until everything settles down well.

And all we can do is pray and wait, to know that God is the author and creator of life and in control of everything that happens.

Second Chapter

We are so blessed that the second chapter of our lives is about to begin.

It is still very early days.  When the nurse called about the blood test results yesterday afternoon, I could hardly believe my ears that we were successful with the second round of IVF.  Originally I just didn't want to freeze those embryos anymore from the first round, and since we did want more kids I thought we would just try one more time in HK before our big move away.   I know compared to others who have tried and failed, we were really blessed.

But of course remembering the difficult and long journey from the last time around, I am mentally prepared to know that this is only the beginning of the road with many many challenges ahead.  There's no guarantee that this would result in a beautiful child like Jack-Jack -- the first trimester is risky, knowing from that three months of bed rest last time; the tests are many, before you know all the chromosomes are right.  I am reminded through the experience last time, that if this is God's will, He is the only one that can carry us through safely till the end and make it happen.   Jack-Jack being born safely was more than a miracle to us.

Jack-Jack has been a true blessing and a real joy.  He's 18 months old today and I have been too lazy at recording any more of his days on this blog, but have been enjoying life as a family with mic and Jack-Jack.  Every day I see him learning something new and expressing himself in the cutest ways.  I had finally shaken off the miserable PPD after around 10 months or so.  Looking back, I could not explain how or why this all began and end, but I am just glad that the mist and the doom cloud over my head is finally over and I am back to my old self.  And without the PPD, there's no longer that thin veil blinding me of the joy right in front of my eyes.  I have said to myself If I am lucky enough to have a second chance, I trust I will be able to enjoy it so much more having learned what I have learned about motherhood so far.

So fingers crossed.  And grow well, our little K.  (we need to settle on a new name/nick name soon)