Week 31: C or No-C?

Yesterday we went for our regular doctor's visit in Hong Kong.  I haven't seen my OB since week 9 given our travels, and there sure are lots of discuss and decide at week 31.

First, the pregnancy is progressing well.  The placenta is well behaved and located at a very good and safe place, so there's no chance of the complications we had last time.  My weight gain is good and baby is on track at about 1.7kg already.  Even though the doctor in Taiwan told me to "watch my weight", apparently at the same point in my last pregnancy I have already gained 14 kg, while this time I have only gained 7 kg.  (I really don't remember being THAT BIG last time around, but I guess last time we were so stressed about the other medical issues that weight gain was clearly not a concern.  The fact that I am free to move around vs being on bed rest for so long probably also contributed to a much slower weight gain).

And this time, I finally have a choice about delivery options.

I remember when I was pregnant with Jack-Jack, when I finally got off bed rest from the first trimester, how keen I was to try for a natural birth.  I did prenatal yoga religiously, I read up on water births, natural pain relief methods, and I was all ready to work hard and do my daily squats to prepare for the strength and endurance I need for the actual birth.  I felt it would make the whole experience of being a woman complete if I could have a good birth.  Of course that beautiful dream was shattered with the reality of placenta previa and vasa previa diagnosis.  I quickly gave it all up given medically it was not even possible for me to attempt a natural child birth.

Now that I have a choice, should I try a VBAC and go for a natural delivery that I so wanted last time? That being said, our C-section experience was also very smooth with Jack-Jack that I am not really against doing it again, despite the longer recovery period.

In Hong Kong, doctors are generally very pro C-section -- it is easier for them to schedule and they make more money that way, my doctor is no exception in making his preference clear.  That being said at least he was willing to entertain my idea and support me also if I wanted a natural birth.  I guess it will still be a natural birth with a HK twist, probably with a lot more people pushing you for drugs, potentially making you opt for a C-section earlier than necessary, and it won't be an environment that makes delivery as comfortable as can be.  We have also been interviewing private midwives and doulas for birth support in HK, which some friends has recommended highly and said has made their experience so much better.  Ideally it would be good to have your OB and doula share the same philosophy and work together, which unfortunately very few doctors in HK do support a true natural birth.  Mic's afraid of being caught in the middle of two opposing views during birth and that would make an already stressful situation worse.  The doula I interviewed tried to address this by saying that she will not be confronting the doctor's decision but rather she will be giving us advise on whether she thinks we can ask the doctor the question on if we can try X or Y a little bit longer before going into a C-section, so ultimately the choice is ours on how we want to handle that advise and push the doctor or not, and Mic is very uncomfortable to be the person having those discussions with the doctor when it comes to that.

Mic and I have been debating this.  Even a simple discussion around VBAC or not got us into a stressful discussion -- it makes you realize marriage is forever a process of discussion, debate, disagreement and compromises (hopefully).  I guess fundamentally we differ in he wanted to path of least risk and conflict and I am willing to push it a little if we really wanted a good, warm, intimate birthing experience with K#2.  What I value in the experience is something probably a guy just simply cannot grasp (just like they never really understand why women needs to be surrounded in a romantic setting!?), and that brings out conflict in how we are looking at this.

At the end of the day, I want us to both be on the same page, and want the same thing, and some support mentally to achieve that.  Why is it that hard?

Week 30: Leg Cramp Symphony

I am 75% of the they way there on this pregnancy.  Overall it's been smooth sailing, but the usual discomfort that comes in the third trimester is certainly starting to make me want to unload this watermelon soon.

My biggest complaint must be the leg cramps at night.  It doesn't happen every night, luckily, but when it does, the sharp pain wakes you up from deep sleep and leaves you tossing and turning for at least an hour afterwards.

Last night was the worst so far, I had it on the right leg, front and back, then the left leg, front and back, then back to the left leg, side and back, and again ended on the left leg back side.  The whole thing must have lasted at least 15 minutes.  It was as if there's a conductor in my body trying to make music by making the different muscles tense up, in a magical order.  Better yet, it's impossible to stretch it out by myself, especially when it happens on the front and back of the leg -- just as you try to stretch out the back by using the ledge of the bed, the front cramp begins.  Now that mic sometimes takes Jack-Jack to bed and ended up sleeping next to Jack-Jack for the night, I have no one to kick awake in the middle of the night, and my quiet midnight screams can be heard by no one but myself.  So the only way, is to endure the pain, wait for it to pass, then try to scoot myself on the bed, and try to stretch it out a bit after its all over, by standing next to the bed.   The muscles still ache afterwards, and I can bearly reach my calf myself to massage it with the big belly being in the way.

Oh dear, why mother nature designed this to be part of pregnancy I have no clue, but I hope for the rest of the 10 weeks I have left, this symphony would not interrupt my sweet dreams again.

Jack-Jack is TWO!

I still remember, exactly this time two years ago, I was just getting ready to be checked out of Queen Mary Hospital, ending my long and uncomfortable bed rest, being picked up by Mic, and being transferred to the Sanatorium to have my C-section at 10AM.

And two years later, our lives have been transformed by this little bundle of joy.

Yesterday we had a mini celebration at home for him with his Godmother, K and her family.  I made a big pot of a beef bourguignon, roasted vegetables and a salad for dinner.  She brought a nice banana cream pie.  Jack-Jack's first real cake experience since this is first time he had a real whole slice of the pie (normally we kept him away from cakes and other sweets and only give him the occasional bite), and of course he devoured all of it in typical Jack-Jack style.  Our other friend T whom we haven't seen for over three years was in town and joined us for a brief while as well.  It was just the intimate set up I was hoping for and the dinner and celebration worked out perfectly.  Jack-Jack was able to blow out the candles this time, compared to his first birthday, even though he looked a little clueless while we were singing him the Happy Birthday song.

Looking back, I am still sometimes just overwhelmed by how much joy life is with him.  It is indeed very different -- We are now up at 630AM most mornings, going to bed around 930PM, no more late nights, rarely do we have long dinners with friends trying out new restaurants (since most people don't eat at 6pm when we eat and we need to be home to put him to be before 9pm), I have cut down on my tango and other activities and our days evolve a lot around him.  That being said, it is truly a blessing that we have the time and the space in our minds to be with him in this way, which allowed us to thoroughly enjoy him and observe all of his little changes over time.  Just this past week, his vocabulary has expanded massively, instead of his standard "car" "bus" "digger" "baba" "mama" "狗狗", now he can also tell us he got bitten by a mosquito by saying "疱" and wants some "藥藥", he can request for a pair of his Thomas the tank engine chopsticks at dinner, he can tell us he's hungry by pointing to his mouth and say "吃", and he even translated for me when I couldn't understand he was saying "cat" by also telling me it is "貓".  His play has became a lot more imaginary and interesting -- his obsession with cars and buses continue, and he always needs to put them in the exact same line very neatly.  6 little vehicles is all he needs to be entertained for hours, moving them around and parking them in different ways.   His opinions and personalities are starting to come out more vividly -- he really expresses a preference on who should play with him, help him wash his hands, take him to bed etc., but over all he is a child with great empathy and can listen to reason most of the time if we have the patience to outlast his complaints.

Today we plan to take him to Disneyland in Hong Kong for his actual birthday, another new experience for him since he had pretty much zero exposure to Disney's grand marketing machine thus far (so he wouldn't recognize Mickey, Goofy and other characters).  I booked an overnight hotel so we could watch the fireworks and not have to rush back home exhausted afterwards.

The parenting experience has taught me so much, and I am looking forward to all the joy and challenges ahead with this little life came out of my tummy, this time exactly, two years ago.

Week 28: The last name challenge

The last few weeks went by so quickly.  Our trip to Taiwan ended up being rather bittersweet.   The birthday celebration for my dad went really well, and the day before our scheduled return, my grandmother passed away.  It was a very sad moment as she was the closest person to me in my life, but it was also a blessing that I was there with her holding her hand as she peacefully passed just three weeks shy of her 100th birthday.  Jack-Jack has acted really sweet around her all the time, and it never seizes to amaze me how affectionate he was towards her despite how she looked in the end plus the fact that she couldn't even interact with him nor play with him.  I was able to plan the funeral for her and it was also really great the whole family was together for the first time in over 35 years.  I really enjoyed being with all of them and I hope Jack-Jack also felt the warmth and the strength of love in the family.

Now back to K#2, she's really just a little trooper doing so well despite not getting much attention.  We arranged for a medical check in Taipei since our stay was extended unexpectedly, and it was great to finally get a good rendering of her cute little face on the 4D ultrasound.  She even did a little yawn for us.  I can't wait to meet her and hold her in my arms.

And the other decision that we have come to is she will bear the last name Liu.   I never thought my dad cared about this but when I got pregnant he asked if I could ask if Mic would be open to having this child bear our last name, otherwise the Liu names will not be passed down from me.  My dad has never asked me for anything in my life so I figured this must be quite important to him.  Honestly I didn't really think any of this mattered --- our genes are passed on, and who knows what will become of the future generations, especially with our move to NZ and the fact that our kids will grow up with fewer and fewer Chinese influence.  Surprisingly Mic was really understanding of this and agreed that the heritage a last name bears is very important.  So upon some deliberation, the decision is made.   Well, at least then there will be two people in this four person family with the same last name. (Now we have Wan-Min-Kee, Liu, and we shortened Jack-Jack's name to Wan only, so technically we all have different last names, and I am carrying around marriage and birth certificates around when we travel to prove that we are a family!)

Week ?? : Second Trimester Update

When they say the second pregnancy is different from the first, it sure is true.  

Once the discomfort of the first trimester subsided, and the doctor confirmed no sign of any "previa" this time and gave me the clearance to travel, I felt so relaxed.  I finally knew what it felt like to have a normal pregnancy and how the doctor's visits were such a piece of cake.  Unlike last time,I

recall how I dreaded to see the doctor to find out more bad news or being reminded of the risks of a ticking time bomb I was carrying with me.

We acted fast and booked our trips right away.   We first enjoyed six fabulous weeks in Sweden, visiting Mic's cousin and family.  It was great to enjoy the perfect summer weather and beautiful outdoor space, such a contrast to Hong Kong.  Being able to travel at such a leisurely pace is truly a blessing when you have kids -- I have time to watch and let Jack-Jack take his time to enjoy a stroll in the park, run in the playground, climb the stairs up and down a castle, push his stroller around when he has no direction control, and while some of these things did seem like it took forever for him to do, I didn't have to rush him, and I could actually enjoy being with him, at his pace.  

It was also delightful to see Jack-Jack play so well with his cousins.  He's at the age where he is starting to take more interest in being with other kids and Elise and Anabel who were 10 and 6 and really looked after him like big sisters.  

Then we started our second trip to Taipei to celebrate my dad's seventieth birthday.  It all went as well as could be.  I really feel that we are in such a great place in life right now as we enjoy this phase of focus on our own nuclear family and the extended family around us.  Being able to patch things up with my father was a gift from God that I had never even dreamed of achieving in this life time, yet now I am really enjoying the time together with him, not to mention how sweet it is to see how much he enjoys being with Jack-Jack.  We took some studio family portraits, got him upgraded to an iphone, and also arranged a wonderful celebration dinner in Taipei.  

Of course Taipei is always filled with meeting up with friends as well.  Too bad the weather is too hot to really be out, but at least we try to make one outing a day and mostly centered around the yummy food around Taipei.  

Now back to little K#2 -- I actually can't even keep track of which week I am at right now, but I do know she's a strong little kicker and perhaps she had to be one to remind us of her existence.  Well, seeing how huge I am already I am certainly reminded of her every day, but this pregnancy is going so smoothly so far I didn't even experience the leg cramps at night as I did frequently last time.  

We have another two weeks in Taipei and trying to make the most of it.   And then, it will be Hong Kong all the way until Jan 2015!

ps. okay, I looked it up, I am at week 23 right now.

SAHP

Recently I saw this term SAHM = Stay At Home Mom.  It's a badge that a new generation of women now seem to wear proudly, who have given up their high power careers for another set of priority in life.  In contrast to the stigma of "sacrificing your career"/"wasting your talent" and other negative connotations that this decision was once associated with, more people struggle with the balance and eventually find a new place for themselves that they are comfortable with.

Mic and I chose the path to be SAHP (Stay At Home Parents), both, at the same time.  It's an unusual choice for people our age, and we often get very mixed reactions from people we know about this decision.  Some cannot comprehend what we are leaving behind -- seemingly wonderful careers and comfy lifestyles, while most are rooting themselves more deeply into the community, jobs, lives they have at this stage, we are choosing to uproot ourselves completely and move into completely unchartered territory.  Some say with deep envy, about how great it is to enjoy an early retirement and spend time traveling and enjoying time with our child together.

Mic and I called this our "Journey", a dream with its seeds planted over 3 years ago after our first vacation to NZ, and since then Jack-Jack joined our family and fast tracked this dream to reality.  We had an idea initially of jointly keeping a weekly journal on a new blog, recording the thoughts, struggles and highlights of "The Journey", but that quickly got barried in the never ending chores of childcare.  Now that I am starting this "new chapter" blog again, and since our journey is closely linked with our lives on The Journey, I figured this is not a bad place for me to record some of my musings.

In reality, life is neither that good nor that bad as our friends secretly worries/envies for us.

It's for sure not as rosy as it seems when we are casually meeting up with our friends, as the women who have high power career husbands on business trips Monday through Friday say with deep envy how great it is to raise your child together.  Yes, that aspect is great, and from the surface of both parents accompanying Jack-Jack in the playground it seems like a rosy perfect picture.  I enjoy having mic as a partner in the process and I am not sure if I want to do this completely on my own.  I know we are very fortunate to have to ability to make that decision while most people need to divide and conquer on the responsibilities of childcare and money making in a family.  But just as every coin has two sides, behind the sunny playground drowned in Jack-Jack's laughter and our smiles as proud parents, there's also the hard labour of childcare, which we choose to do and not outsource to anyone.  That means being 24/7 on call for a child that wakes with nightmares in the wee hours of the night, not have a moment to ourselves for the 14 hours that he's awake during the day, changing his diaper, brushing his teeth, preparing his food (and our food), cleaning up after, keeping up with the endless energy a child has to play during the day, even when we are exhausted or simply just don't feel like it anymore and simply prefer to lay down on a sofa and read a book quietly.  It's an endless loop of house chores, even though it is a labour of love, it does get tiring and repetitive after a while.

The other thing that became very clear is even without a job, as adults, we still feel the strong desire to find meaning and fulfillment in life.  Of course being a parent is part of that, but there's still a hole that needs to be filled on defining who we are, and what we are on earth for.  I found while I was working, that question doesn't get asked so often, because most of the time I chose to ignore it, since there really isn't much energy left after work, and keeping up with achieving at work occupied much of my mind and created that false sense of meaning and accomplishment.  Now that we have left that world and slowed down, I first realized how quickly I disconnected from that corporate work world.  Apart from a few friends, other people that nod and smile and chit chat at work I find very little desire to stay in touch with since there was very little deep connection to begin with.  What seemed to have mattered so much for the past 15 years vanished so quickly.   The network, the promotions, the pride.  While cleaning up my old office, I had a stack of "deal toys", which are mementos of transactions you completed in the past sitting around, loudly announcing what I have done and accomplished, now I look at the box sitting at home and wonder if they even quality as recyclable plastic.  And with that aspect of priority/accomplishment of "work" disappearing in our lives, finding a new focus, routine, sense of self-worth, pursuit, is our new challenge.

The third aspect is time we spent together as a family.  Now I scoff off the love-birds vows of "wishing to spend every moment in life together".  No, no one wants to spend every minute of the day together, no matter how much you love each other.  I thought mic and I could spend a lot of time together, and I think we can, probably beyond the ability most couples can (though I have no place to judge/verify that), but on this journey we still discovered the challenges of being in each other's space all the time, and not having a clear division of labour when both of our responsibilities and "stage" are at home.  It took quite a while to find the right place and balance for us to get along, which was a challenge I never imagined we would face.

But overall I would say the journey has been very rewarding.  Spending time with the people that matters most in your life, is hard work, but worthwhile hard work.   The time that we were able to spend with our extended families has also yielded great fruit -- we helped both families do a huge clean up of the old family home, moved Mic's parents to their new flat, and I had such a breakthrough with my own father that I have never been closer to him in my entire life.  I cannot put a monetary value on these things, but I can only say how grateful I am for God's provision of these beautiful fruitful relationships in our lives.

And the journey continues....

Week 13: Looking the Part

It's interesting how this past week, after the doctor's visit, everything seems to go by so quickly.  I am not sure if was the stamp of approval from the doctor to travel and the boost of confidence that this looks like a much more normal pregnancy than last time (He already told me it won't be Vasa Previa again!), and the timing of big monster also hiding away most of the time.  I am able to cook quite a few meals and enjoy flavors and aroma of food.   At last, I am feeling so much more normal like the past 12 weeks was just a distant bad dream.

We booked our tickets to Sweden right away, leaving in a few days.  It will be the longest trip I have ever made while I was pregnant (last time I made one trip only, and it was to Taiwan).  I am looking forward to the last trip before having two kids in tow, and now that Jack-Jack is so much more aware of his surroundings I am sure he will enjoy the experience of the airport and airplane as well.

The visible change this week is I am starting to look the part of being pregnant as well.  I know they all say with #2, your belly expands much faster.  Well, I am unmistakeably looking pregnant as a seat was given up to me on a bus this week.  My boobs are getting ready to be the milk factory again and I could feel the growth and the heaviness.  Now I really need to figure out what I can wear in Scandinavia over the next 1.5 months since last time my maternity clothes are all summer gear and this time I will be spending a lot of time in a place where the maximum temperature is 20 degrees and drops to 10 degrees by the evening.