How quickly time flies by.
Veronique is already 6 months old at a healthy 8kg (the weight Jack-Jack was at around 10.5 months of age), and she is certainly very keen to explore the world - sitting up and crawling at before 6 months, and now she's even interested to see the world from a new perspective by practicing standing up while holding on to things, the first stages of cruising and walking.
Jack-Jack is also developing into a fun age. His language skills is going through explosive growth, being able to speak and reason in full sentences, and able to switch back and forth between English and Mandarin, although his Chinese is still much better than his English, reflecting on how we have been trying to speak Chinese to him most of the time. The tantrums have subsided a little, and it seems that he's slowly taking in our reasonings. It's amazing to think what we are doing are shaping the lives of these two little creatures, and what a rewarding experience that is.
This year is our year to settle into our lives as a family of four, and travel around before our moves into NZ by the end of this year. We already spent 3 weeks in Hokkaido, Japan in June, and another 3 weeks in Taiwan seeing family and friends. The Japan road trip was a great holiday for us - escaping the summer heat in HK and Taiwan, enjoying the fresh and amazing produce/food in Hokkaido, and relaxing in the onsen all around Hokkaido (well, relaxing in a relative sense, it is certainly hard to really have a tranquil onsen experience with two kids). It was also great to see family in Taiwan, given us a little break from the constant child care as my aunt and dad takes over the role of playing with Jack-Jack and Mic and I can have a little time to ourselves. On our 13th wedding anniversary we were able to have a little coffee date on Yung Kang Street and have a little chat without the constant interruption of kids.
Our next trip is 6 weeks in Mauritius to attend mic's cousin's wedding, and then another 2 month trip to the US for another two weddings of my cousins. We often reflect on how meaningful our lives are now being able to spend time on what really matters in our lives and how extremely lucky we are to have come to the realization of what we want. It is certainly not a conventional life, but the direction just seems right as things fall into place so effortlessly. Our December trip to NZ will be for three months of househunting, and hopefully settling on a future home of ours. And a friend whom we have only met twice had so generously offered their home for us to stay until we find our own. The NZ dollar has also continue to fall against the dollar making economical savings to our move later this year. I jokingly said Veronique's arrival, thus delaying our move, had already proved to be providing us with our 2015 expense funds because she saved us so much money by delaying our currency exchange. God will provide, and he certainly does.
2015, a year of living out of our suitcase (or half a year since its only from June onwards), mentally saying goodbye to the HK home which we have set up for ourselves.
Onwards.
Friday, July 17, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Veronique 4 Months + 1 day ; Jack-Jack 2 years 6 months + 10 days
I feel so bad that we only just realized Veronique has turned four months on the day when a neighbor asked us how old she was. On top of that, we forgot to take her "monthly" photo on the playmat that we religiously did with Jack.
She is still growing like a champion. Yesterday I weighed her on the baby scale and she's already at a solid 7.25kg with her outfit and diaper. I remember those days when I was nervously weighing Jack-Jack to see if he's taking in enough milk so that the doctor would no longer consider him to be a "failure to thrive" child, ah, those dark days of motherhood. Now with Veronique I have fully accepted my role as the on-demand cow and take her everywhere I go.
She's a bit like her brother in the sense that she's not a great sleeper at night. She was quite good during those confinement months, and almost sleeping through with the occasional 5-hour stretches and I only had to get up once or twice. Now getting up twice to three times is considered a good night in my books, and on those regular nights... I lost count. But at least co-sleeping allowed me to still function with reasonable clarity and energy during the day, but to do that comfortably I had to send mic to sleep with Jack-Jack so I can have some more wiggle room on our bed. So there is a price to pay, but I always say to myself and mic that this is just a phase, before you know it she will be out of our bed and probably won't even answer when we call her, so I am just trying to enjoy those morning cuddles when it's just me and her, on the bed when the whole house is still quiet. It's actually a really special moment for me. With two kids in a house I rarely have a quiet moment like this to enjoy her this way, so even if I am sleepy-eyed and wish that I could lay for another hour, I get up, and I kiss and hug and smile back at her. She's a dutiful little alarm clock waking me up almost at 6AM every single morning kicking and bouncing her head on me vigorously to make sure I get up to play with her, and gives me her most adorable smile when I kiss her. She's much more social of a child than Jack-Jack, smiling a lot and loves to examine faces and people.
Her skin condition has finally improved a bit, after trying out endless bottles of lotion, oil and bath gels. And while the thighs are still chunky, she's leaned and lengthened a lot and looking more and more like a pretty little girl, easing her mother's vanity anxiety that her daughter is not beautiful enough. Physically she is very strong, long been able to hold her neck straight with ease, now when you pull her hand she can also sit up and stand with support.
**********************
Jack-Jack is going through an explosive stage of development on the language side. He's all of a sudden over the last two weeks started to talk a lot, putting together full sentences, having a real conversation, and switch with ease between Chinese and English depending on the audience. He can also recount what happened during the day with you (sometimes with some imagination, too). Just yesterday he went to the park with our helper and he told me "看到兩個crane truck" on the way home, and "腳痛痛，要塗藥藥，因為有碰到火，在Fireboat" (which is of course imaginary)
With both sets of grandparents in town for Veronique's baptism, he was a little Mandarin chatter with my dad and switches to English speaking to mic's parents and mic's sister. So interesting to watch.
Just yesterday, he started to ask the "what" and "why"s on just about everything he sees. I can just see those curiosity firing like little electric grids inside his head. So now we have explain to him when we are taking a lift, where does it go to, what happens after we get out of the lift, and the surroundings.
One more thing to note was my dad's time spent with him two weeks a go has certainly left his mark. Just last night I was reading him books before his bed time, and afterwards told him I wanted to hug and kiss him. This was our conversation:
"媽咪好想抱抱親親你“
“不要“
“為什麼不要？這樣媽咪好傷心耶“
“........" (silence)
"你是媽咪的小寶貝耶！我好想抱抱你、親親你喔“
“不是“
“？“
“ Jack-Jack 是外公的小寶貝“
媽咪無言中
She is still growing like a champion. Yesterday I weighed her on the baby scale and she's already at a solid 7.25kg with her outfit and diaper. I remember those days when I was nervously weighing Jack-Jack to see if he's taking in enough milk so that the doctor would no longer consider him to be a "failure to thrive" child, ah, those dark days of motherhood. Now with Veronique I have fully accepted my role as the on-demand cow and take her everywhere I go.
She's a bit like her brother in the sense that she's not a great sleeper at night. She was quite good during those confinement months, and almost sleeping through with the occasional 5-hour stretches and I only had to get up once or twice. Now getting up twice to three times is considered a good night in my books, and on those regular nights... I lost count. But at least co-sleeping allowed me to still function with reasonable clarity and energy during the day, but to do that comfortably I had to send mic to sleep with Jack-Jack so I can have some more wiggle room on our bed. So there is a price to pay, but I always say to myself and mic that this is just a phase, before you know it she will be out of our bed and probably won't even answer when we call her, so I am just trying to enjoy those morning cuddles when it's just me and her, on the bed when the whole house is still quiet. It's actually a really special moment for me. With two kids in a house I rarely have a quiet moment like this to enjoy her this way, so even if I am sleepy-eyed and wish that I could lay for another hour, I get up, and I kiss and hug and smile back at her. She's a dutiful little alarm clock waking me up almost at 6AM every single morning kicking and bouncing her head on me vigorously to make sure I get up to play with her, and gives me her most adorable smile when I kiss her. She's much more social of a child than Jack-Jack, smiling a lot and loves to examine faces and people.
Her skin condition has finally improved a bit, after trying out endless bottles of lotion, oil and bath gels. And while the thighs are still chunky, she's leaned and lengthened a lot and looking more and more like a pretty little girl, easing her mother's vanity anxiety that her daughter is not beautiful enough. Physically she is very strong, long been able to hold her neck straight with ease, now when you pull her hand she can also sit up and stand with support.
**********************
Jack-Jack is going through an explosive stage of development on the language side. He's all of a sudden over the last two weeks started to talk a lot, putting together full sentences, having a real conversation, and switch with ease between Chinese and English depending on the audience. He can also recount what happened during the day with you (sometimes with some imagination, too). Just yesterday he went to the park with our helper and he told me "看到兩個crane truck" on the way home, and "腳痛痛，要塗藥藥，因為有碰到火，在Fireboat" (which is of course imaginary)
With both sets of grandparents in town for Veronique's baptism, he was a little Mandarin chatter with my dad and switches to English speaking to mic's parents and mic's sister. So interesting to watch.
Just yesterday, he started to ask the "what" and "why"s on just about everything he sees. I can just see those curiosity firing like little electric grids inside his head. So now we have explain to him when we are taking a lift, where does it go to, what happens after we get out of the lift, and the surroundings.
One more thing to note was my dad's time spent with him two weeks a go has certainly left his mark. Just last night I was reading him books before his bed time, and afterwards told him I wanted to hug and kiss him. This was our conversation:
"媽咪好想抱抱親親你“
“不要“
“為什麼不要？這樣媽咪好傷心耶“
“........" (silence)
"你是媽咪的小寶貝耶！我好想抱抱你、親親你喔“
“不是“
“？“
“ Jack-Jack 是外公的小寶貝“
媽咪無言中
Friday, April 17, 2015
Family, Family, Family
After two plus years away from the corporate world, it does seem like we belong to a different world, especially as I walk through Central and seeing people rushing in their high power suits and beautiful three inch heels. Parts of me miss the look of work, but honestly I don't really miss the content of what I spent hours of life doing while I was working. On the contrary, I am quite happily content with my role as a mother and wife and taking care of the "little" things in life, like making dinner, reading to Jack-Jack, or even changing Veronique's diaper. When people ask me what we do nowadays, I guess my only answer would be "spending time with family", and never did I really understood the weight of these words until today.
I never thought that I would say that being a mother was a true calling that I am settled into. Even though I am still probably not the perfect mother but I have never felt more content, and settled, ever, in my life until today. I love the fact that I am spending 24/7 with the people I love the most in the my life, and I almost don't have time for anything else that can't compete in terms of level of fulfillment. Of course there are the usual ups and downs in life, but overall I thank God for the blessings we receive everyday. Being with family, the family we created, is truly amazing. Seeing your kids grow, every day, into this little person with thoughts and character, is truly special.
This year will be a busy year filled with trips to see family and friends before our final move into NZ. It seems that progress of life is now measured in months and seems to slip by so ever quickly. I am just breathing it in, inhaling the sweetness of, my family.
I never thought that I would say that being a mother was a true calling that I am settled into. Even though I am still probably not the perfect mother but I have never felt more content, and settled, ever, in my life until today. I love the fact that I am spending 24/7 with the people I love the most in the my life, and I almost don't have time for anything else that can't compete in terms of level of fulfillment. Of course there are the usual ups and downs in life, but overall I thank God for the blessings we receive everyday. Being with family, the family we created, is truly amazing. Seeing your kids grow, every day, into this little person with thoughts and character, is truly special.
This year will be a busy year filled with trips to see family and friends before our final move into NZ. It seems that progress of life is now measured in months and seems to slip by so ever quickly. I am just breathing it in, inhaling the sweetness of, my family.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Two Month Mark
I felt guilty not recording these blissful days fearing that I will soon forgot the smell of my sweet little V, and seeing Jack-Jack growing up so fast to this delightful little boy that we are really enjoying. I never thought I would enjoy kids so much, but now I just can't seem to get enough of their extreme cuteness and on some crazy afternoons pondering the possibility of a third child (Am I CRAZY!?)
Veronique is two months. Compared to Jack-Jack, she's really a big baby reaching 5.7kg at 8 weeks (Jack only reached this weight at around 20 weeks). She's generally pretty chilled out, sleeping and eating most of the time, although she does have a rather loud cry when she needs something. I guess being the second child you need to have a louder voice in order to be heard. I am still the only person second to the confinement lady that spends the most time with her while Jack-Jack keeps mic quite occupied. I thought Jack-Jack was a better looking baby but I should be fair and give it a bit more time. She just started to smile at us and getting more cute. Mic still has problems connecting with her -- Mic just frowns and finds her annoying whenever she cries and have no desire to comfort her. The novelty factor of a newborn is gone for the second time parent and its just work. I, on the other hand had developed an enormous amount of patience and kept on thinking thank god for the role of mothers otherwise the new babies have no chance of survival!
Jack-Jack is now 2 years and 4 months old. When people tell me it just gets better with age I can totally see what they mean now. He's a communicative little being with his own desires and opinions. Of course that also leads to the terrible two tantrums and the endless/countless times we have the explain the rules to him, but I still love it so much to be able to talk to him, and hear him respond back. He's mainly speaking in Mandarin but also can translate words he know into English, and his vocabulary is particularly impressive when it comes to transportation vehicles (I don't even know what a backhoe loader is until he told me). He is able to speak in full sentences now (the classic being "三姑婆看你洗屁股“ when my aunt came to visit and he wanted her to do everything with him. He can't tell the difference between 你 我 yet so hence the hilarious ask). I also just taught him his first 唐詩（床前明月光）which he can now recite fully. He continues to be a great eater that makes his parents proud.
We will be going for a little family holiday to Vietnam next week just the four of us, which will be a nice change to the last two months of the busy household with two helpers (my maid + confinement lady) and lots of visitors. I feel like we are almost ready for NZ now that we are slowly regaining the confidence and rhythm of life.
Veronique is two months. Compared to Jack-Jack, she's really a big baby reaching 5.7kg at 8 weeks (Jack only reached this weight at around 20 weeks). She's generally pretty chilled out, sleeping and eating most of the time, although she does have a rather loud cry when she needs something. I guess being the second child you need to have a louder voice in order to be heard. I am still the only person second to the confinement lady that spends the most time with her while Jack-Jack keeps mic quite occupied. I thought Jack-Jack was a better looking baby but I should be fair and give it a bit more time. She just started to smile at us and getting more cute. Mic still has problems connecting with her -- Mic just frowns and finds her annoying whenever she cries and have no desire to comfort her. The novelty factor of a newborn is gone for the second time parent and its just work. I, on the other hand had developed an enormous amount of patience and kept on thinking thank god for the role of mothers otherwise the new babies have no chance of survival!
Jack-Jack is now 2 years and 4 months old. When people tell me it just gets better with age I can totally see what they mean now. He's a communicative little being with his own desires and opinions. Of course that also leads to the terrible two tantrums and the endless/countless times we have the explain the rules to him, but I still love it so much to be able to talk to him, and hear him respond back. He's mainly speaking in Mandarin but also can translate words he know into English, and his vocabulary is particularly impressive when it comes to transportation vehicles (I don't even know what a backhoe loader is until he told me). He is able to speak in full sentences now (the classic being "三姑婆看你洗屁股“ when my aunt came to visit and he wanted her to do everything with him. He can't tell the difference between 你 我 yet so hence the hilarious ask). I also just taught him his first 唐詩（床前明月光）which he can now recite fully. He continues to be a great eater that makes his parents proud.
We will be going for a little family holiday to Vietnam next week just the four of us, which will be a nice change to the last two months of the busy household with two helpers (my maid + confinement lady) and lots of visitors. I feel like we are almost ready for NZ now that we are slowly regaining the confidence and rhythm of life.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Second Chance
I am so grateful for the second chance of being a mother.
The first time around, the cloudiness of my mind, the struggle of breastfeeding, the eagerness to control my baby's schedule didn't allow me to enjoy the experience of being a mother. The confidence and the right expectations of we are about to face, and the training camp that Jack-Jack made me go through certainly prepared me well for my second chance.
So one week into my second chance of motherhood, I am really enjoying all of it. The marathon feeding sessions, the late night cuddles and wakings to her searching for my warmth and milk. I no longer want to control, I just want to be, be the mother that I wasn't able to be the first time around.
Little V is a little champion, feeding well and pooping like a monster. I forgot how many changes of clothes and laundry we need to go through! I am also so used to my sleep being broken up that the four feeding sessions at night no longer bothers me. Jack-Jack is being very gentle to his little sister, although occasionally I sense him getting a little bit jealous and needs more of our attention. Our confinement lady is an absolute delight. Overall I am loving being a family of four, and this new phase of our lives.
The first time around, the cloudiness of my mind, the struggle of breastfeeding, the eagerness to control my baby's schedule didn't allow me to enjoy the experience of being a mother. The confidence and the right expectations of we are about to face, and the training camp that Jack-Jack made me go through certainly prepared me well for my second chance.
So one week into my second chance of motherhood, I am really enjoying all of it. The marathon feeding sessions, the late night cuddles and wakings to her searching for my warmth and milk. I no longer want to control, I just want to be, be the mother that I wasn't able to be the first time around.
Little V is a little champion, feeding well and pooping like a monster. I forgot how many changes of clothes and laundry we need to go through! I am also so used to my sleep being broken up that the four feeding sessions at night no longer bothers me. Jack-Jack is being very gentle to his little sister, although occasionally I sense him getting a little bit jealous and needs more of our attention. Our confinement lady is an absolute delight. Overall I am loving being a family of four, and this new phase of our lives.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Jan 6: The Arrival of Veronique
The story should start with my 40th birthday on January 5, 2015.
Nothing happened on the labour front, but I did enjoy a wonderful evening at home with Mic and Jack-Jack for a sweet and intimate celebration. Mic prepared the most thoughtful gift -- a SCMP cartoonist poster with highlights of our 15 years together, It was the second one of its kind. The first one I received on January 5, 2001, after our first year of being together. Two delightful SIFT cupcakes and an around-the-world skype session with family singing happy birthday later, I was happily in bed by 830pm.
By midnight, what I thought was an upset stomach from too much spicy food turned out to be the start of my regular contractions and the "real labour" I had been waiting for. I called our doula, Liz, immediately after seeing the slightly pink discharge knowing its the mucus plug, and then started to make sure our bags for the hospital were all packed. I pulled out the TENS machine (by the way, this is the BEST invention for anyone who wants a non-medicated child birth, and the most effective pain relief for the 19 hours of labour I experienced in the end) and started to count through the intervals of my contractions which were about 10 minutes apart. Liz told us to get in the bath if things start to get a little unbearable and see if the intensity would ease, and that's usually a good indication if things are really starting or not, which we did around 1am. Our doula made her way over and showed up around 2am, by which point the contractions were around 6-8 minutes apart, and simply breathing through it was not enough. So I had to pull out other tricks from the tool kit to cope -- the birth ball, the swaying of the hips, and vocalization. Never had I said so many Om's Ahhh-a's and Wooo's in my life with such concentration. By 3am Liz told us to try lying down and see if there's a way to get a little bit of rest in between. I did wonder how could anyone sleep when the contractions comes at such a short interval but I guess I was tired enough that I did manage to doze off during those 6-8 minute breaks, with one lucky 20 minute break in between as well. We all got a little of that much needed shut eye after being up most of the night. By 7am I was awake again, and eager to see what I should be doing next. We had a little breakfast, and while mic was getting another power nap, Liz and I went for an hour long walk up Bowen road. I was really determined to make sure I was doing everything I can to progress the labour and make the cervix dilate. Of course I needed to pause along the way whenever a contraction wave would begin and I am sure the strangers passing by must be wondering what is going on at the scene of a pregnant lady swaying her hips and humming "Om" by the side of the street with another woman standing behind her squeezing her hips.
By 1030am, we decided to head to the hospital, thinking that we are getting close to the real show beginning and was hoping that we would see little Veronique by mid afternoon.
It was interesting as soon as we got to the hospital things started to slow down a bit. I am not sure if it was the change of environment that got me out of my zone or the mere fact of being confined to a bed and tied to a monitor for 30 mins while they check the fetal heart rate and contractions made me really uncomfortable. As soon as I was allowed to walk around, things started going stronger again and I was encouraged by the fact that I was coping really well when the monitor shows the intensity of the contractions were at about 80%, and I was certainly thinking I could take on more pain without drugs at ease.
By noon the nurses came to do a pelvis check only to reveal that the cervix was softening but still completely closed. I thought to myself that's not a good sign but if I get up to walk more and make the contractions stronger perhaps we can progress the labour further. At 3pm my OBGYN doctor came and checked me again and told me the cervix is still closed, and most likely it is because the baby is still in a posterior position which means that labour is prolonged and will be very painful. I felt totally defeated by the news. It was one thing if I was taking all this pain while making progress, it was a completely different matter when all of the past 15 hours of labour was just a wasted effort. The doctor suggested for us to think about a back-up plan of an emergency C-section because if labour doesn't progress and the contractions are still getting stronger, then both the baby and me (my uterus) will be under a lot of stress. We made the decision at 6pm after a final check and the cervix was only 1cm dilated to call it quits and arrange for the C-section at 730pm.
I cried so hard even though I knew that one can never know/control how labour will go and just about anything can happen, but it was so far off what I wanted. The fact that I had endured about 19 hours of labour with zero drugs and feeling absolutely exhausted made me wonder if things haven't even begun then how much longer of labour can I physically handle. I cried for all the effort that went down the drain. I cried over that natural birth I will probably never ever get to experience in my life. I knew I had to make the responsible decision for the healthy delivery of my baby, whether its through my vagina or not, and I cannot make her suffer through my stubbornness. Mic and my doula were both just amazing at supporting me through this. At the end of the day, I did get to experience labour (a good 19 hours of it, and quite proud of making it through with all my will), let Veronique chose her own timing of coming to the world, as I knew she and I were both ready to meet each other.
At 814pm, Veronique was born.
It may not have been the birth I wanted. But I am determined to enjoy the motherhood I wanted.
I was wholeheartedly expecting that she would arrive on my birthday, since pending her arrival it was impossible to plan any party for my own BIG 40th birthday. All party plans were on hold and all we had planned for the day was the fetal monitoring session at the hospital arranged by the doctor as he was worried about the placenta function may deteriorate after the due date. I was thinking it would be perfect if labor would start while we were at the hospital, and my birthday present from the universe would just be the wonderful experience of a perfect natural birth that I had been preparing for, and the cocktail of endorphins at birth bringing me to an all time high I have never dreamed I could experience.
Of course, nothing quite follows the perfect plan. The monitoring session finished by mid day, I had a few contractions but they were very very light and very irregular. Baby was fine as she was just her good old active self and fetal monitoring showed normal results. The scheduled C section date was only two days away and I was starting worry if I would even get to experience labour if things carried on the way it was. So I followed the old wives tales and went to town on spicy food -- I already had two meals at Hong Kong's two best sichuan restaurants, and I went back for lunch again on January 5th hoping the last boost of chili would get things going. After lunch I proceeded to walk 30 mins from the hospital to causeway bay for an acupuncture session, and then took the long route home with some more walking.
Nothing happened on the labour front, but I did enjoy a wonderful evening at home with Mic and Jack-Jack for a sweet and intimate celebration. Mic prepared the most thoughtful gift -- a SCMP cartoonist poster with highlights of our 15 years together, It was the second one of its kind. The first one I received on January 5, 2001, after our first year of being together. Two delightful SIFT cupcakes and an around-the-world skype session with family singing happy birthday later, I was happily in bed by 830pm.
By midnight, what I thought was an upset stomach from too much spicy food turned out to be the start of my regular contractions and the "real labour" I had been waiting for. I called our doula, Liz, immediately after seeing the slightly pink discharge knowing its the mucus plug, and then started to make sure our bags for the hospital were all packed. I pulled out the TENS machine (by the way, this is the BEST invention for anyone who wants a non-medicated child birth, and the most effective pain relief for the 19 hours of labour I experienced in the end) and started to count through the intervals of my contractions which were about 10 minutes apart. Liz told us to get in the bath if things start to get a little unbearable and see if the intensity would ease, and that's usually a good indication if things are really starting or not, which we did around 1am. Our doula made her way over and showed up around 2am, by which point the contractions were around 6-8 minutes apart, and simply breathing through it was not enough. So I had to pull out other tricks from the tool kit to cope -- the birth ball, the swaying of the hips, and vocalization. Never had I said so many Om's Ahhh-a's and Wooo's in my life with such concentration. By 3am Liz told us to try lying down and see if there's a way to get a little bit of rest in between. I did wonder how could anyone sleep when the contractions comes at such a short interval but I guess I was tired enough that I did manage to doze off during those 6-8 minute breaks, with one lucky 20 minute break in between as well. We all got a little of that much needed shut eye after being up most of the night. By 7am I was awake again, and eager to see what I should be doing next. We had a little breakfast, and while mic was getting another power nap, Liz and I went for an hour long walk up Bowen road. I was really determined to make sure I was doing everything I can to progress the labour and make the cervix dilate. Of course I needed to pause along the way whenever a contraction wave would begin and I am sure the strangers passing by must be wondering what is going on at the scene of a pregnant lady swaying her hips and humming "Om" by the side of the street with another woman standing behind her squeezing her hips.
By 1030am, we decided to head to the hospital, thinking that we are getting close to the real show beginning and was hoping that we would see little Veronique by mid afternoon.
It was interesting as soon as we got to the hospital things started to slow down a bit. I am not sure if it was the change of environment that got me out of my zone or the mere fact of being confined to a bed and tied to a monitor for 30 mins while they check the fetal heart rate and contractions made me really uncomfortable. As soon as I was allowed to walk around, things started going stronger again and I was encouraged by the fact that I was coping really well when the monitor shows the intensity of the contractions were at about 80%, and I was certainly thinking I could take on more pain without drugs at ease.
By noon the nurses came to do a pelvis check only to reveal that the cervix was softening but still completely closed. I thought to myself that's not a good sign but if I get up to walk more and make the contractions stronger perhaps we can progress the labour further. At 3pm my OBGYN doctor came and checked me again and told me the cervix is still closed, and most likely it is because the baby is still in a posterior position which means that labour is prolonged and will be very painful. I felt totally defeated by the news. It was one thing if I was taking all this pain while making progress, it was a completely different matter when all of the past 15 hours of labour was just a wasted effort. The doctor suggested for us to think about a back-up plan of an emergency C-section because if labour doesn't progress and the contractions are still getting stronger, then both the baby and me (my uterus) will be under a lot of stress. We made the decision at 6pm after a final check and the cervix was only 1cm dilated to call it quits and arrange for the C-section at 730pm.
I cried so hard even though I knew that one can never know/control how labour will go and just about anything can happen, but it was so far off what I wanted. The fact that I had endured about 19 hours of labour with zero drugs and feeling absolutely exhausted made me wonder if things haven't even begun then how much longer of labour can I physically handle. I cried for all the effort that went down the drain. I cried over that natural birth I will probably never ever get to experience in my life. I knew I had to make the responsible decision for the healthy delivery of my baby, whether its through my vagina or not, and I cannot make her suffer through my stubbornness. Mic and my doula were both just amazing at supporting me through this. At the end of the day, I did get to experience labour (a good 19 hours of it, and quite proud of making it through with all my will), let Veronique chose her own timing of coming to the world, as I knew she and I were both ready to meet each other.
At 814pm, Veronique was born.
It may not have been the birth I wanted. But I am determined to enjoy the motherhood I wanted.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Week 40: Full Term (D+1)
So here I am, made it through the delicious New Year's Eve dinner hosted by my NY friend visiting HK, and reached full term yesterday, on January 2 -- A full 40 weeks. Doctor said the baby is around 3.3-3.5 kg now, so a bit heavier than Jack-Jack when he was born at 2.79kg. He checked the pelvis size and confirmed that everything is okay for me to attempt a VBAC.
Still no sign of labour yet. The contractions have become a bit more frequent but no consistent enough. I wonder if the little lady is really waiting to share my birthday with me. Last night I thought things were getting started, I had a bit more intense contractions every 15-20 mins for about three hours, but then it died down again after I went to bed. In a way that was good, I didn't really want to deal with the drama of getting to the hospital in the middle of the night, having to wake everyone up and be a in foul mood. Now I had a pretty decent night's sleep and ready to go again. We scheduled in a C-section on January 7 just in case, as doctor doesn't want me to go beyond one week post term since there's a risk of the placenta function deteriorating. And I know I am not trying to do a natural delivery at all cost, so I am fine with that decision. If she doesn't come out by then on her own, we will just have to make her.
I went for my last Osteopathic appointment yesterday, the doctor did some pressure point stimulation to get the labour process going, and of course helped to release yet again those aching muscles that just seem to be with me 24/7 now. I feel that I am as ready as could be, just waiting for the final moment to meet her.
Now the most annoying thing is the ugly red worm like stretch marks decided to make an appearance on my belly the last 2 days. At first I was wondering if was just the marks of the elastics on my pants, but as they clearly were not going away hours after the pants were off, so they are confirmed to be stretch marks. The images that I googled with my first pregnancy and prayed that I will never get is now a permanent mark of my body. I guess I just have to wear them forever as a proud mark of me carrying my baby to full term and my tummy size is at the astronomical largest it can ever be. It's really time to come out, my little lady, before the paintbrush of your evidence inside me gets out of control.
Still no sign of labour yet. The contractions have become a bit more frequent but no consistent enough. I wonder if the little lady is really waiting to share my birthday with me. Last night I thought things were getting started, I had a bit more intense contractions every 15-20 mins for about three hours, but then it died down again after I went to bed. In a way that was good, I didn't really want to deal with the drama of getting to the hospital in the middle of the night, having to wake everyone up and be a in foul mood. Now I had a pretty decent night's sleep and ready to go again. We scheduled in a C-section on January 7 just in case, as doctor doesn't want me to go beyond one week post term since there's a risk of the placenta function deteriorating. And I know I am not trying to do a natural delivery at all cost, so I am fine with that decision. If she doesn't come out by then on her own, we will just have to make her.
I went for my last Osteopathic appointment yesterday, the doctor did some pressure point stimulation to get the labour process going, and of course helped to release yet again those aching muscles that just seem to be with me 24/7 now. I feel that I am as ready as could be, just waiting for the final moment to meet her.
Now the most annoying thing is the ugly red worm like stretch marks decided to make an appearance on my belly the last 2 days. At first I was wondering if was just the marks of the elastics on my pants, but as they clearly were not going away hours after the pants were off, so they are confirmed to be stretch marks. The images that I googled with my first pregnancy and prayed that I will never get is now a permanent mark of my body. I guess I just have to wear them forever as a proud mark of me carrying my baby to full term and my tummy size is at the astronomical largest it can ever be. It's really time to come out, my little lady, before the paintbrush of your evidence inside me gets out of control.
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