Staying Horizontal

For some reason, this pregnancy did not bring as much excitement as the last one.

I commented this to Mic yesterday as he showed more enthusiasm about our NZ holiday than the news of me being pregnant, but secretly I feel the same.

Perhaps it was because I am re-reading all the same articles on the same websites. I almost felt that I have lived through the phase once before (and I have), and now I just wanted to fast forward to the part where we can see the heartbeat, or even more, hearing the loud cry as we welcome little K into this world, and forget about the scary little things that can happen in between.

But of course you cannot fast forward life. You have to live it, one day at a time.

The last miscarriage was traumatizing, while I thought I had gotten over it, deep down the fear is still there. I panic at every small sign (a cramp or any tightness in the abdomen) and this morning, the spotting almost brought me to tears.

I called the doctor and was told to go home straight away from the office and stay in bed rest. I whispered to myself -- I am willing to stay horizontal for as long as it takes to bring you to the world.