Do Not Worry

Acceptance doesn't come that easy.  Once in a while the fear comes in a overwhelming way, bringing me to a wailing state of tears of the worst case scenario.   No amount of research, doctor's opinion can bring any comfort on what is the absolute right thing to do now, and the risk is like a ticking time bomb.  For the first time in my life, I am afraid of the potential loss of my life, my baby, and even my uterus that will prevent us from ever having another child.

I also had to make the decision of whether the trip to Taipei, leaving in a few hours, in still on.   Debating the factors that I really wanted to see my grandmother, really wanted a vacation (I know thinking about having fun should be the last thing on my mind now), and that Mic will be in Mauritius for 10 days after our scheduled Taiwan vacation to pick up his mother to live with us in HK for a month and I did not want to be home alone during that time, vs the risk of anything bad happening on that 1.5 hour flight.   Should I take a chance?  Should I trust that things will be okay?

And I turned to God.

Not being to really call myself a Christian, but I have been an active "searcher" for some time.  I find comfort in reading the words of prayers.  At times of difficulty (the first trimester and now), I call on all my friends who I thought have a better "direct line" to God for prayer support, and for some reason that always calm me down.   These times offer the opportunity of a deep reflection of life and faith, and maybe this is my chance to start to build that relationship with Him that I haven't been able to in the past.

Just as I was debating in my own head of this decision to travel, I read in a daily passage ---

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength".

I concluded my day by thanking God for another day of a fulfilled life, another day for little K to be growing and kicking up a storm like he's having a disco party in my tummy.  And I will not worry, I trust that God has a path for us, will provide for us the strength that I need to leave my worries behind, bit by bit, day by day, to count my blessings and leave the rest in His good hands.


在神沒有憂慮這種事

所以我告訴你們，不要為生命憂慮，喫甚麼，喝甚麼；也不要為身體憂慮，穿甚麼。…你們看天空的飛鳥，牠們既不種，也不收，又不收積在倉裡，你們的天父尚且養活牠們。你們不比牠們貴重麼？（馬太福音六25~26）

你可以這樣禱告：主耶穌，我是你國度的子民，有你神聖的生命和性情，這生命是一個沒有憂慮的生命。主阿，我天然的生命是憂慮的生命，但你的生命卻是享受、安息、安慰和滿足的生命，在你沒有憂慮這件事。主耶穌，我若憂慮，就得罪你，所以我不要讓憂慮霸佔我；藉著活你、享受你，我就能從憂慮得著釋放！