Week 22: Curve Ball

Just as I thought everything was going well as can be, I get thrown a curve ball.

Two days ago I was diagnosed of a grade 4 placenta previa (胎盤前置).   It is a condition where the placenta is placed at the lower part of the uterus (as opposed to the top in a normal pregnancy) and covering the cervix completely, in some cases it moves up as the pregnancy progresses, in my case the doctor said it is very unlikely given how low the placenta is at week 22.  The implications are no chance of a natural birth (so all my pre natal yoga classes and those birthing squats I have been doing clearly are going to waste other than the feel good factor), and the chances of significant bleeding and severe blood loss, pre-term birth are all quite real.  In most cases even upon delivery of the baby if you are lucky enough to carry this through to full term still requires the procedure to be done in a major medical facility where they have enough blood in the bank to deal with the potential blood loss for the mother.

The doctor said there's nothing you can really do to treat the condition, but the only thing is to understand what to do when the bleeding does occur, which simply put, is to go calmly to the ER right away.  I have been advised to stay in low activity mode (no to little exercise), no travel (or basically staying close to a medical facility), and hope for the best.

It was really quite a shock to us so I spent all of yesterday doing my research, getting second opinions from doctors, and going from panic to anger (it's hard not to get angry dealing with the public hospital, which is the only facility capable of treating my condition in HK now, as private hospitals don't have a baby ICU for pre-term babies and also not enough blood for any major blood loss scenarios), and finally back to acceptance.   By the end of the day I was in a calm enough place to joke with mic that when the doctor said this case sometimes leads to the death of the mother if the blood loss becomes very severe and cannot be stopped, so we should prepare to have an oncologist on standby in case you need to take the uterus out to stop the bleeding, the first thought that crossed my mind was "oh no, I still haven't done up my will yet! should get a lawyer and get on the case ASAP" while mic was thinking about how to look for an oncologist.   Clearly our minds function in such different ways.

Things were going so well --- I am filled with energy (relatively speaking of course), mic and I just had a great celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary and was reminded of such wonderful relationship and memories we have created and shared together, even our maid's cooking has become so good over the last few months and was a pleasant surprise.  I felt so blessed in our lives with all the abundance of love and joy and everything we need.  Now with this diagnosis I felt the darkest cloud hanging over me, placing a shadow over everything.

I had to remind myself that nothing really has changed.  This is just one of those things that reminds me yet again how little we ultimately are in control of our lives, especially the important stuff like life and death.  We can only submit to that fact and be humble and count our blessings for the days that we are given, one day at a time.

Our life, was exactly the same three days ago before the diagnosis and now.  Nothing bad has happened other than a known risk that seems very real and the fear in our hearts has grown to take over from the happy thoughts.  It's a mind game, and to fight the instinct of fear and sorrow is the only winning strategy.

Just as every single breath was a miracle in life before, it still is, just even more so when you are reminded that nothing we have is permanent.  I am praying for the best outcome of course, that the placenta will move away and I will be shown a miracle, that I will be blessed to carry this baby to the full term, and that I will survive all of this and raise a happy child together with mic.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers also.