One or Two?

We have been wondering whether we are having one or two babies with this pregnancy since there were two embryos placed in the womb.

Today I went to the doctor -- not a regular scheduled visit but due to a little incident that freaked me out - the spotting which I thought was slowing down came back again in the afternoon, I called the nurse right away and she asked me to come in to see the doctor in person. As this was not a scheduled visit I didn't call mic but went alone, and the scan revealed the answer to the very question in the title.

I saw ONE beautiful little sac on the screen. It's just a sac at 5W3D (5-weeks and 3-days) but the doctor said we should be able to see the heartbeat in a week's time. Luckily he also confirmed the spotting is just old blood so I just need to rest some more but no need to worry too much for the time being and to be on the safe side he is checking again the hormone levels to see if I need more progesterone support.

Well, one is better than none and at least it helped us solve the name problem (as Mic and I have picked one girl and one boy's name, we didn't quite know what to do if we end up with two boys or two girls). Little K, stay strong and hang in there! We can't wait to see your little heart at next Monday's visit.

Week 6: Nausea

Yesterday marked my first day into Week 6. Other than the spotting, the extreme fatigue, and a little insomnia (hence the post now) things have been going well. The flexibility at work helped a great deal that I have been able to rest lots at home and trying to ease the spotting. Then last night I had my first taste of the nausea.

Our friends K and C came for dinner -- we were going to dine out but then I really just didn't feel like sitting outside at a restaurant so had them over at our place instead. It's great that our full time helper can manage a few dishes quite well and with a little help prepare a good meal for guests and the food was delicious and we all ate lots around good conversation.

Then all of a sudden, the food just did not appeal to me anymore.

It hits you like a bomb. I sat at the dinner table for a minute while the conversation continued, but the smell of everything I so happily chow'ed down just a few seconds ago made me sick. I had to leave the table and head into the bedroom, a "neutral smell ground". A few minutes later after a few very deep breaths I managed to keep the food down but had to move away from the dining area completely afterwards.

It really is quite a funny experience (since I didn't have any at my 2010 pregnancy) how it changes so swiftly. I hope this will not be a recurring theme for the rest of the first trimester, although the reassuring sign is that the Mayo Clinic book said people who experience morning sickness have 80% less chance of a miscarriage. If that's the case, then bring it on!

Type A Personality

I wonder how many people actually try to chart their HCG levels.

I had my third blood test in a week since the spotting hasn't stopped and I am still on the doctor's order to be in bed rest, the only way to confirm the pregnancy is still going well is the HCG level which is supposed to double every 36 hours or so. For the times I am not lying down in bed (that is eating, going to the bathroom and showering, plus I allow myself short intervals of getting on the internet), I frantically search information about what is supposed to happen in my body. It is really amazing how much information you get on the web these days (who needs a book anymore!), and there's even a website that charts your HCG levels vs the average, the min and max levels by day!

I told mic about my findings and he chuckled. In the old days people probably just want to hear from the doctor that everything is fine. In the new information age we try to understand and research everything ourselves. That chart was probably a moment of my Type A personality jumping out -- a glimpse into the future tiger mom? I hope I will learn to be more chilled out and less controlling!

Annoying Neighbors

Another thing about bed resting and staying at home lots, is I get bothered by our very annoying neighbors.

We have had these annoying neighbors who likes to play super loud techno music for some time. They live two floors below us but the music is so loud I feel our floor is vibrating and the constant noise drives me insane. At least recently they haven't been playing from 1AM - 3AM (which used to happen a lot and we had to call the police many times as well) which is a plus, but the music is not really to my liking and every time I hear/feel the beat I just wanted to scream. The worst thing is since they are an owner as well, we cannot even kick them out! For some reason now they are at home during the day, like me, so I get to "listen" involuntarily to their music again every day.

Oh little K, Mommy hopes you grow up to be a considerate person, not like these annoying neighbors that I just want to curse at!

Our first sacrifice

After almost a week of spotting and bed rest, mic and I have made the decision to cancel our NZ holiday which was supposed to be in a week's time. Or rather, I was freaking out about the trip since the spotting just doesn't stop no matter how long I stay in bed and Mic also supported the decision to skip the travel in the first trimester.

It just wasn't worth taking the risk if something happens during the trip and we can't find a good health care provider given the not yet stable pregnancy, plus with my state of needing as much sleep and moving at the speed of a tree sloth, I may not be able to enjoy the trip as much, either.

It was a logical conclusion but disappointing nonetheless. I think I have to blame the hormones for the excessive guilt I have about making us cancel the trip, even though Mic responded very well to it. I also started stressing over the fact that I don't know when we will be able to have a "just-the-two-of-us" holiday again and started to miss in advance the nice quiet times we have had to ourselves. The second trimester when it is safer to travel, mic wanted to make our long overdue trip to Mauritius, which means it may be hard to fit in another trip in close proximity of time given his limited holidays and busy work schedule. I am of course disappointed if that is the only trip we can fit in before the K comes, as even though its a beautiful place to visit, the family obligation has its stresses and doesn't quite make it the "just-the-two-of-us" holiday. I didn't want to add stress to Mic's already hectic life (he's quite busy at work this week and lots of pressure on delivering a higher sales figure), so I dropped the topic. I didn't want to be one of those crazy insane emotional pregnant people. I want to be the happy face mic sees when he comes home from a long tiring day at work.

However, I ended up being super emotional in the morning after he left as I continued my bed rest and tears streamed down my face over fear of the unknown, fear of the known, and a mixed bag of reactions I am sure I can only blame the hormones again -- "Am I really ready for this? Why do I not feel as excited as I should? What I am afraid of?" I called my best friend A to have her knock some sense into me and sobbed as she went to pick up her daughter from day-care. It is true all of our lives we are so used to having things exactly the way we wanted it and when we wanted it. Things will change with kids but it just means replacing the life we had with a different kind of life, and a different type of joy. All of this we will only find out as we experience them first hand and deal with things one step at a time.

Our first sacrifice of a cancelled holiday is really nothing compared to the many things we will have to face in the future I am sure. And I certainly hope this excessive emotional swing is due to the lousy hormones.

Staying Horizontal

For some reason, this pregnancy did not bring as much excitement as the last one.

I commented this to Mic yesterday as he showed more enthusiasm about our NZ holiday than the news of me being pregnant, but secretly I feel the same.

Perhaps it was because I am re-reading all the same articles on the same websites. I almost felt that I have lived through the phase once before (and I have), and now I just wanted to fast forward to the part where we can see the heartbeat, or even more, hearing the loud cry as we welcome little K into this world, and forget about the scary little things that can happen in between.

But of course you cannot fast forward life. You have to live it, one day at a time.

The last miscarriage was traumatizing, while I thought I had gotten over it, deep down the fear is still there. I panic at every small sign (a cramp or any tightness in the abdomen) and this morning, the spotting almost brought me to tears.

I called the doctor and was told to go home straight away from the office and stay in bed rest. I whispered to myself -- I am willing to stay horizontal for as long as it takes to bring you to the world.

Finally...

Such a great sense of relief when the doctor called four hours after the blood test that I am pregnant. Mic and I are overjoyed.

I pulled up all the websites that we saved in reserve, updated the due date (from the last failed one of May 2011 to the new Nov 2012), and starting reminding myself of the do's and don'ts. Of course we don't want to get ahead of ourselves as there are many milestones ahead before a healthy baby (or babies) arrive in our arms, but achieving the first step of being pregnant is such great news.

I look forward to the happy moments we will be recording on this blog of our new life, as the Wan-Min-Kee family expands.