Week 20: 50% Complete

It's hard to believe that time still flies even when you are feeling bloated, hot, fat, heavy, and facing insomnia almost every other night, I am now at the start of my 20th week.

Things are going well -- my energy level consistently improves so I am much more productive at work (don't need to sneak out for an afternoon nap anymore), and also trying to keep up with some regular exercise with my twice-a-week prenatal Yoga classes and occasional pilates, I even managed to go swimming for the first time last week.   The plan for traveling back to Taiwan in July is also set -- my last trip before the arrival of little K.  I booked tickets, researched BnBs, and will be spending our last "just-the-two-of-us" holiday with Mic on the beautiful East Coast of Taiwan, which I haven't stepped foot on for almost 15 years and is totally excited about seeing my beautiful home country in a brand new way with Mic.

The book says little K's ears are developed enough that he can hear us now, so Mic has started a routine by saying "早，我是你的爸" to my belly every single morning (he said he wanted little K to recognize his voice when he comes out). It always makes me burst out laughing but also so endeared by how Mic shows his love.

I think I felt little K moving around for the first time this past week, although I am not entirely certain since the books says it feels like bubbles in the tummy at this stage, so my only confirmation is that what felt like my stomach growling from hunger is happening below the belly button and that's where little K's rental home is right now.

Can You Really Be Prepared?

With my bulging tummy, I have taken on a keen interest in reading child education related books.  There are a few good ones that are science based and written by M.D.s -- "Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina"  "Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax"  "Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax" and I am now starting another book called "Nutureshock by Po Bronson".  I have also read from quite a few Chinese authors 蔡穎卿，獅子老師，洪蘭，錫安媽媽 and have been rather inspired by some of their parenting styles and wisdom.

When looking through the section of childcare books in the library, the sheer number of books and "experts" offering advise just startles you.  Even reading some of these books that are science based rather than anecdotal, it seems that the conventional wisdom of parenting also changes like fashion from time to time.  Praise is good, praise is bad; fixed feeding schedule is good, fixed feeding schedule is bad; breast feeding is good, formula is good; single sex classrooms are good, single sex classrooms are bad.  In the sea of seemingly worthy parenthood advise for new parents like us, I do wonder if you can really ever be really prepared for this role, like how you prepare for everything else in life.

At the end of the day, I guess what matters the most is your heart and awareness.   If you put your heart to being a good parent, paying attention to getting to know this new person that you are bringing to this world and (try your very best on) being on your best behavior so they can learn from the best example they can get (and that's where awareness comes in, because most of the time we have our own behavioral blind spots), and offer them love that is real (but not spoiling them), then that's probably the best you can do.

There are so many factors that come into play in one's life and shape one's character.  I have been reflecting on my very own experience growing up, and I, from a rather unconventional upbringing by my grandmother, am pretty sure she did not consult any books.  However from her I learned the value of love, the value of the closeness of family, the value of being self-sufficient and independent, being frugal, being environmentally friendly, and being kind -- every single value and behavior that she exhibited herself and gave an active example for me to learn from.   On the other hand, not really having the environment of witnessing a "mother and father" interaction growing up, I was also able to shape my own marriage into something that is wonderful and became such a pillar of my life and well being today -- something I did not have an active example to learn from.

I aspire to set up a home of comfort, support, love, and have a surrounding of calmness that comes from mature emotional relationships and elimination of the distractions of too much TV/digital distractions --- in a way, kind of like the life that Mic and I already share today.  My favorite part of the day is always the morning breakfast rituals -- we sit at the dining table with Jazz Wyoming in the background (a lovely Internet streaming radio station) eating our breakfast together, share thoughts from our day before and write down our "highlights" in this joint diary that we kept together for a few years now.  Even though occasionally "Steve Jobs" come in between us and provides some distraction when mic gets stuck on a new iPhone app or I on checking facebook updates, most of the time we manage to make a real connection with each other every single day, and end with a little hug before we set out to our jobs.

One day I want to bring little K into this lovely family time and this little oasis that Mic and I have created together.  In this crazy day and age where everything is about speed and excess, I am so glad we can retreat into our little realm of slowness and quietness, and enjoy nothing more but the simple existence of each other's company as what I call -- family.

Week 17: Tango!

Since doctor said I could resume "normal" level of activities, I have been slowly adding back delightful things in life that I missed for so long.

Last Sunday, I went to my first milonga in 4 months.  Ah, how I missed tango!

This is the only milonga I can go to now as it is hosted on Sunday afternoon, so unfortunately I am still missing out all the Argentine visiting teachers and their grand performances that are hosted at night where the dance party goes on till 2AM (The latest I can stay awake is usually around 10PM).   It was also the first time I put on my 4 inch-heel dance shoes (which gave me a slight backache afterwards), and I had to turn away some invitations to dance just to rest a little, but it was still just wonderful.  The books say that little K's ears are developed enough to hear now, and I certainly hope he enjoyed the tango music as much as mommy did.

Yesterday I also started my prenatal yoga classes and stepped foot in the gym which I also missed for 4 months.

Welcome back, life, for the next two months before I start my third trimester.

Seriously?

Unbelievable.

I threw up again last night.

Come on.  I am firmly in the second trimester already.  Is this a joke?

Week 16: The Most Beautiful Music to My Ears

We had our routine check up today.

Things are progressing well -- little K is now at 10cm from head to bump.  He was rather quiet during the ultrasound and didn't move around so much like the last time so we got a good look at his head, heart, stomach, legs, and everything is measuring right on track in terms of development.  The doctor remembered to turn on the sound this time, so we heard his heart beating strong at 160 times/minute!   It was the most beautiful music to my ears and tears rolled down my face as soon as I heard the steady heartbeat echoing in the room.   We counted the fingers again and it was still 6!

And I am now finally out of the red alert zone -- I am allowed back at the gym and travel (so hopefully we'll get to plan some holidays and a trip back to Taipei soon!).

Week 15: My Belly

Today's marks the 100th day of my pregnancy -- we are 1/3 of the way there, and I already have a bump to show for it.

It was actually a bit of a shock since I thought most people don't really show at this point.  One day I bumped into a colleague on the street in passing.  Later that evening I got an email from her saying "Congrats! When are you due?"...  I haven't advertised this at work so only shared with a few closer friends and my bosses, so don't think there's a chance that she heard the news from anyone, especially we are not in the same department nor on the same floor in the office.  I told my colleague she was very brave to assume -- she could have just hurt a very fat women's feelings by accident (which apparently mic has done once to his colleague and resulted in the ultimate embarrassment).  

I started to ask myself - Am I Too Big?  I certainly have problem fitting into my old clothes, but I also realized that 90% of my wardrobe consists of items with a waistline and in need some of new clothes to get me through the next few months.

Yesterday we went to E's home to pick up some of her hand-me-down baby and maternity clothes, I decided to ask the recently made new mom if I am a bit big for my stage.  She saw my bump and told me I look like I am 5 months pregnant and "are you sure you are not carrying twins?".   

So it's probably time to control my diet a little.  I actually haven't been eating excessively at all.   The gas after each meal makes me so full and bloated that it's impossible to really have a big meal by dinner time, so I have been forced to eat the healthiest pattern -- big breakfast, medium lunch, and light dinner, as a result.  My limbs are still skinny, but I guess I should probably take her suggestion on the "no carbs after 6pm" rule to stay a little healthier and control this out-of-control bump I am carrying around.

It's a BOY

I thought Mic said he wanted to keep the gender a secret, it turned out that he wanted to keep the name a secret, which I agree.... so it's a BOY!

I secretly was thinking if I only had one kid then I really wanted a daughter, but at the end of the day I am happy with either gender.

He really is an active little boy, couldn't stay still at the ultrasound and kept on waving his arms, legs and I think he even flipped around and did a somersault (?).  Mic said he was actually a very active and naughty boy when he was little, and is secretly afraid that our little boy will give us a lot of trouble when he's out -- who would have thought by looking at this fine young man grown up all proper and cool?  Again, that means there's hope, any naughty little boy has a chance to grow up like my lovely mic.