Week 21: Return of the 大胃王

Just as the kicks are unmistakeable from Little K, like a truly pregnant lady, my appetite has also returned in an epic manner.

On Saturday we had brunch with our friends L and A, after ordering the milkshake, the four egg omelette, and a daily soup, I still wanted the burger on the menu.   I held back knowing that would probably be just a little too much food in the end, but the desire to eat everything under the sun, all the time, was a nice contrast to life in the first trimester.

As a result, I am also finally back in the kitchen.  After having relied on our helper for the past few months, I am finally able to organize the food and the menu at home, and teach her new dishes to make again.  

My weight gain has been steady so far, trying carefully to manage so the stretch marks don't appear that easily, and also the yoga, swimming, walking probably also helped to burn off some of those extra calorie intakes.  

The only thing that remains an issue is my sleep --- the insomnia continues at some point during the night.  I can't remember the last time I closed my eyes at night and woke up in the morning!   Now the reasons that keeps me up includes little K having a dance party in my belly in the middle of the night kicking up a storm, my gassy stomach from the food I eat, the heaviness in the belly makes every single position uncomfortable, not to mention moving and rearranging a sea of pillows on the bed whenever I have to change sides to sleep on.   Maybe that Hong Kong milk tea I drank in the afternoon was also not the smartest idea I had, while it tasted great, it sure kept me buzzed for a long time and may have contributed to the fact that I tossed until 4AM and still up 7AM this morning...

Thank God it's a public holiday today.

Kicks

I was 100% sure it was a kick.

It was no longer a suspicion of a vague feeling but a visible little thump on the tummy.   It happened at around 4pm while I was in the office and I quickly sent Mic an SMS telling him we can now play "whack a mole" with little K (of course he said he doesn't want to think of little K as a mole!).  That same evening after dinner while resting on the sofa, I put mic's hand on my tummy and we both felt the next kick.

Such a strange but wonderful feeling to be able to feel a new little life growing inside your body.

Week 20: 50% Complete

It's hard to believe that time still flies even when you are feeling bloated, hot, fat, heavy, and facing insomnia almost every other night, I am now at the start of my 20th week.

Things are going well -- my energy level consistently improves so I am much more productive at work (don't need to sneak out for an afternoon nap anymore), and also trying to keep up with some regular exercise with my twice-a-week prenatal Yoga classes and occasional pilates, I even managed to go swimming for the first time last week.   The plan for traveling back to Taiwan in July is also set -- my last trip before the arrival of little K.  I booked tickets, researched BnBs, and will be spending our last "just-the-two-of-us" holiday with Mic on the beautiful East Coast of Taiwan, which I haven't stepped foot on for almost 15 years and is totally excited about seeing my beautiful home country in a brand new way with Mic.

The book says little K's ears are developed enough that he can hear us now, so Mic has started a routine by saying "早，我是你的爸" to my belly every single morning (he said he wanted little K to recognize his voice when he comes out). It always makes me burst out laughing but also so endeared by how Mic shows his love.

I think I felt little K moving around for the first time this past week, although I am not entirely certain since the books says it feels like bubbles in the tummy at this stage, so my only confirmation is that what felt like my stomach growling from hunger is happening below the belly button and that's where little K's rental home is right now.

Can You Really Be Prepared?

With my bulging tummy, I have taken on a keen interest in reading child education related books.  There are a few good ones that are science based and written by M.D.s -- "Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina"  "Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax"  "Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax" and I am now starting another book called "Nutureshock by Po Bronson".  I have also read from quite a few Chinese authors 蔡穎卿，獅子老師，洪蘭，錫安媽媽 and have been rather inspired by some of their parenting styles and wisdom.

When looking through the section of childcare books in the library, the sheer number of books and "experts" offering advise just startles you.  Even reading some of these books that are science based rather than anecdotal, it seems that the conventional wisdom of parenting also changes like fashion from time to time.  Praise is good, praise is bad; fixed feeding schedule is good, fixed feeding schedule is bad; breast feeding is good, formula is good; single sex classrooms are good, single sex classrooms are bad.  In the sea of seemingly worthy parenthood advise for new parents like us, I do wonder if you can really ever be really prepared for this role, like how you prepare for everything else in life.

At the end of the day, I guess what matters the most is your heart and awareness.   If you put your heart to being a good parent, paying attention to getting to know this new person that you are bringing to this world and (try your very best on) being on your best behavior so they can learn from the best example they can get (and that's where awareness comes in, because most of the time we have our own behavioral blind spots), and offer them love that is real (but not spoiling them), then that's probably the best you can do.

There are so many factors that come into play in one's life and shape one's character.  I have been reflecting on my very own experience growing up, and I, from a rather unconventional upbringing by my grandmother, am pretty sure she did not consult any books.  However from her I learned the value of love, the value of the closeness of family, the value of being self-sufficient and independent, being frugal, being environmentally friendly, and being kind -- every single value and behavior that she exhibited herself and gave an active example for me to learn from.   On the other hand, not really having the environment of witnessing a "mother and father" interaction growing up, I was also able to shape my own marriage into something that is wonderful and became such a pillar of my life and well being today -- something I did not have an active example to learn from.

I aspire to set up a home of comfort, support, love, and have a surrounding of calmness that comes from mature emotional relationships and elimination of the distractions of too much TV/digital distractions --- in a way, kind of like the life that Mic and I already share today.  My favorite part of the day is always the morning breakfast rituals -- we sit at the dining table with Jazz Wyoming in the background (a lovely Internet streaming radio station) eating our breakfast together, share thoughts from our day before and write down our "highlights" in this joint diary that we kept together for a few years now.  Even though occasionally "Steve Jobs" come in between us and provides some distraction when mic gets stuck on a new iPhone app or I on checking facebook updates, most of the time we manage to make a real connection with each other every single day, and end with a little hug before we set out to our jobs.

One day I want to bring little K into this lovely family time and this little oasis that Mic and I have created together.  In this crazy day and age where everything is about speed and excess, I am so glad we can retreat into our little realm of slowness and quietness, and enjoy nothing more but the simple existence of each other's company as what I call -- family.

Week 17: Tango!

Since doctor said I could resume "normal" level of activities, I have been slowly adding back delightful things in life that I missed for so long.

Last Sunday, I went to my first milonga in 4 months.  Ah, how I missed tango!

This is the only milonga I can go to now as it is hosted on Sunday afternoon, so unfortunately I am still missing out all the Argentine visiting teachers and their grand performances that are hosted at night where the dance party goes on till 2AM (The latest I can stay awake is usually around 10PM).   It was also the first time I put on my 4 inch-heel dance shoes (which gave me a slight backache afterwards), and I had to turn away some invitations to dance just to rest a little, but it was still just wonderful.  The books say that little K's ears are developed enough to hear now, and I certainly hope he enjoyed the tango music as much as mommy did.

Yesterday I also started my prenatal yoga classes and stepped foot in the gym which I also missed for 4 months.

Welcome back, life, for the next two months before I start my third trimester.

Seriously?

Unbelievable.

I threw up again last night.

Come on.  I am firmly in the second trimester already.  Is this a joke?

Week 16: The Most Beautiful Music to My Ears

We had our routine check up today.

Things are progressing well -- little K is now at 10cm from head to bump.  He was rather quiet during the ultrasound and didn't move around so much like the last time so we got a good look at his head, heart, stomach, legs, and everything is measuring right on track in terms of development.  The doctor remembered to turn on the sound this time, so we heard his heart beating strong at 160 times/minute!   It was the most beautiful music to my ears and tears rolled down my face as soon as I heard the steady heartbeat echoing in the room.   We counted the fingers again and it was still 6!

And I am now finally out of the red alert zone -- I am allowed back at the gym and travel (so hopefully we'll get to plan some holidays and a trip back to Taipei soon!).