It's a BOY

I thought Mic said he wanted to keep the gender a secret, it turned out that he wanted to keep the name a secret, which I agree.... so it's a BOY!

I secretly was thinking if I only had one kid then I really wanted a daughter, but at the end of the day I am happy with either gender.

He really is an active little boy, couldn't stay still at the ultrasound and kept on waving his arms, legs and I think he even flipped around and did a somersault (?).  Mic said he was actually a very active and naughty boy when he was little, and is secretly afraid that our little boy will give us a lot of trouble when he's out -- who would have thought by looking at this fine young man grown up all proper and cool?  Again, that means there's hope, any naughty little boy has a chance to grow up like my lovely mic.

Week 14: Our Little Super Hero

I made it to the second trimester!

Last week I started back at work. The insomnia is still bothering me at some point between 3-5am so I am generally exhausted by mid-afternoon, but at least things are not crazy yet at work, thanks to my understanding boss and colleagues, I am able to ease back into work and not fall immediately into the typical investment banking pace.  It was also good to get out of the house and my pajamas for once and feel like I am part of the real world again.

We also started the various scans/screens.  It is pretty amazing what technology can do.  At 13 weeks, we did the OSCAR test which involves an ultrasound scan and measures the thickness of something behind the neck to estimate the risk of Down Syndrome.  Luckily the results came out okay and we are waiting for the blood test to reconfirm the results in two weeks.  This new test which just came out a few months ago allow a blood test from the mother to determine the baby's DNA with 99% accuracy so we most likely won't have to go through an amnio which my doctor advised against given my unstable conditions in the first trimester.  The doctor was very thorough with the scan, so we could see the size of the baby's head, the blood flow into the baby's heart, and of course, know the sex of the baby.  Mic wanted to keep that a secret for now so I will have to continue to call it little K until we are ready to reveal the secret on the blog.

The shock, however, came when we counted the baby's toes and fingers --- our little K will likely be born a superhero with 6 fingers on the right hand!  I was sort of joking with the doctor when I asked the question about ten toes and fingers, but when he actually started counting on the screen I almost froze  as I counted with him.  My dad didn't respond so well to the news, sighing on the phone in his clear disappointment which probably is not a an uncommon reaction for someone hoping for a normal grandchild.  It took me about a day to get over this, first doing lots of research online about the condition and what we should we do in the future, and also just adjusting to the fact that things are not what I expected them to be, already.  On the bright side, all the other organs appear to be fine, which is the more important thing to little K's future health, and the hand is really just a cosmetic thing more than anything else if we are conforming to the world view that a five-finger hand is the standard of beauty.  I had reflected long and hard about my reaction to this --- my initial disappointment (not as pronounced as my father, but clearly I was a little stressed), and talking through with mic about how as parents, we need to acquire the skill to face all adversities in life when things don't go as planned.  This is merely the first of many tests we will face as parents.

Remembering that mic actually had the same condition when he was born, on both hands, at least I was reassured that the X-Man race can also grow up to be fantastic human beings - incredibly smart, loving, and caring.  I would certainly not trade the superhero I married for anyone else in the world.  As for little K, I thought to myself, we will love you no matter what, because you are our precious little super hero, beautifully and wonderfully made by God.

Week 12: Almost There...

As I am approaching the end of the first trimester, the energy seems to flow back to my body day by day. I am starting to feel a little resemblance to my old self, and hoping that little K is continuing to grow in my slightly bloating tummy.

It's a little too early to say I am showing but if you look closely I do constantly look like I just had a huge meal and there's no way I can button up my jeans again.  Mic said the shape is different from my usual tummy fat but a little more rounded.  I tried to suck in my tummy but realized I cannot, so it must be the home for little K is finally starting to rise up above the pelvic area.  The gas situation is still pretty bad -- I get bloated from eating just about everything, AND not eating, then spending the rest of the day trying to either pass it through the unpleasant way of throwing up or the other more embarrassing way of farting.  Needless to say that leaves me still a little bit anti-social, since my husband is probably the only person who can stand me in these conditions.

The next major milestone would be all the genetic screenings in a few weeks time.  Hope that little K has 10 fingers, 10 toes, and all the right things in the right place!  I pray that God will continue to look out for us and little K as he did over the last few months.  It seems like a distant bad dream yet it was only a month ago we were in the hospital fearing the loss of little K.  Learning that we are ultimately not in control was a valuable and humble lesson, and facing the next milestone, I hope I have the faith to not worry.

Week 11: Wiggly Little One

Today's doctor's visit is kind of exciting --- instead of just the heart beating, we were able to see the baby moving around, waving its little arm and legs!  It's still just a tiny little thing at 4cm, but amazing how active it looks on screen.  I almost hoped that the ultrasound session could last a little longer so I can see little K for a little bit longer.  Mic was convinced it was a boy because it was so active.  I am not so sure because if little K takes on any of it's parents qualities, the boy is the slow one around the house!

The doctor gave me a note to stay rested for two more weeks at home and then I must face the inevitable going back to work days.  But by then I should be out of the miserable first trimester fatigue and nausea, especially I have now advanced to actually throwing up part of my lunch and dinner, it is nice to have a little more time at home.

Slowing Down

I have been out of the office for 7 weeks now, and the doctor just ordered me to stay at home for at least another 2 weeks until the wound closes up.

I joked with my friends that I was hoping to take things easy for the first trimester, little did I know the slowing down happened somewhat involuntarily, including some hospitalization and more doctor's visits than I can remember.

God has a funny way of making your wishes come true.

It is, however, also a great time for me to learn to slow down. I have always been an active person, energized by activities (Mic used to hate how I wake up early in the mornings, and now I sleep at least 3 hours more than him each day). These two months I had to learn to find peace in a much slower pace and be at ease with my limited physical ability. My friend K gave me a religious book with daily prayers to read, and there was one paragraph that particularly resonated with me.

"In the fast and frenzied pace of this world, allow yourself to submit to the fatigue. Allow it to calm you, settling into the restfulness and peace that come only from God. Thank him for life's slowdowns".

Even though the events of the unstable part of the pregnancy was scary, I am thankful that I had so much time to rest and slow down in probably one of the least comfortable trimesters. I am thankful that my bosses and colleagues have been more than understanding of my situation; I am thankful for the great medical care (and fantastic health insurance!) I have; I am thankful for friends who love and care about me so dearly, and even their mothers for bringing me ginger candy to ease the queasiness; I am thankful for a husband who shows his love in so many ways and a marriage that is just bright and warm like the sun even after 10 years, making me ever confident that we will raise a great family together; I am thankful for the family that I have, for my loving aunt in the US that I can spend hours on the phone with during my insomnia days.

Slowing down, is not so bad after all.

Week 9: Little Monster

I make quite a horrible sound when I feel nauseous, even though I have never really thrown up so far, the sound effect is like I am about to turn my entire stomach inside out (Now I totally understand the reason pregnant people are anti-social for three months).

Mic has nicknamed the sound effect "Little Monster", he said if there was a mythical creature that looks like a frog, it must sound like me.

Well, luckily little monster don't come out as often as two weeks ago. Maybe god is giving me a break since I was sent to the hospital last week, and decided to at least take one horrible feeling away temporarily. It still happens, but at least not morning, afternoon, AND night. Mic and I are now able to joke about where the little monster is and how often it comes out.

Four more weeks before I am through with the first trimester, and hopefully little monster will return to its mythical home forever by then.

Week 8: Thank God

The bleeding on Thursday night was caused be a 2cm separation between the placenta and the uterus. The visit to the doctor on Friday morning went well, little K has grown a bit more and heart was beating as strong as ever.

To be on the safe side, the doctor wanted me hospitalized for a few days on "strict bed rest with toilet privileges", so I spent the weekend in the hospital. The bleeding has now eased and I was able to go home one day ahead of schedule.

We are very thankful that the scary episode had a happy ending -- one more week of bed rest is not the worst thing in the world and I am to obey with my new supply of DVDs from friends. The experience once again taught me to focus on what we can control and trust and hope on what is beyond our control. It is humbling also, that life is not just about trying to do all the right things, as often the outcome of these important things in life --- life and death, are still outside of our hands even if we try to do everything right. At least this time, that darkest and longest night of my life, I was able to not shed a single tear, and tried my best to remain calm. Mic is really my role model in that regard, being with him, I knew that everything was going to be okay.

Thank little K for hanging on strong in the slightly broken home (which hopefully will be repaired in a few weeks time when the wound is healed), and thank God, for every breath and every heartbeat that was given to us and our baby, in our lives.