Week 16: The Most Beautiful Music to My Ears

We had our routine check up today.

Things are progressing well -- little K is now at 10cm from head to bump.  He was rather quiet during the ultrasound and didn't move around so much like the last time so we got a good look at his head, heart, stomach, legs, and everything is measuring right on track in terms of development.  The doctor remembered to turn on the sound this time, so we heard his heart beating strong at 160 times/minute!   It was the most beautiful music to my ears and tears rolled down my face as soon as I heard the steady heartbeat echoing in the room.   We counted the fingers again and it was still 6!

And I am now finally out of the red alert zone -- I am allowed back at the gym and travel (so hopefully we'll get to plan some holidays and a trip back to Taipei soon!).

Week 15: My Belly

Today's marks the 100th day of my pregnancy -- we are 1/3 of the way there, and I already have a bump to show for it.

It was actually a bit of a shock since I thought most people don't really show at this point.  One day I bumped into a colleague on the street in passing.  Later that evening I got an email from her saying "Congrats! When are you due?"...  I haven't advertised this at work so only shared with a few closer friends and my bosses, so don't think there's a chance that she heard the news from anyone, especially we are not in the same department nor on the same floor in the office.  I told my colleague she was very brave to assume -- she could have just hurt a very fat women's feelings by accident (which apparently mic has done once to his colleague and resulted in the ultimate embarrassment).  

I started to ask myself - Am I Too Big?  I certainly have problem fitting into my old clothes, but I also realized that 90% of my wardrobe consists of items with a waistline and in need some of new clothes to get me through the next few months.

Yesterday we went to E's home to pick up some of her hand-me-down baby and maternity clothes, I decided to ask the recently made new mom if I am a bit big for my stage.  She saw my bump and told me I look like I am 5 months pregnant and "are you sure you are not carrying twins?".   

So it's probably time to control my diet a little.  I actually haven't been eating excessively at all.   The gas after each meal makes me so full and bloated that it's impossible to really have a big meal by dinner time, so I have been forced to eat the healthiest pattern -- big breakfast, medium lunch, and light dinner, as a result.  My limbs are still skinny, but I guess I should probably take her suggestion on the "no carbs after 6pm" rule to stay a little healthier and control this out-of-control bump I am carrying around.

It's a BOY

I thought Mic said he wanted to keep the gender a secret, it turned out that he wanted to keep the name a secret, which I agree.... so it's a BOY!

I secretly was thinking if I only had one kid then I really wanted a daughter, but at the end of the day I am happy with either gender.

He really is an active little boy, couldn't stay still at the ultrasound and kept on waving his arms, legs and I think he even flipped around and did a somersault (?).  Mic said he was actually a very active and naughty boy when he was little, and is secretly afraid that our little boy will give us a lot of trouble when he's out -- who would have thought by looking at this fine young man grown up all proper and cool?  Again, that means there's hope, any naughty little boy has a chance to grow up like my lovely mic.

Week 14: Our Little Super Hero

I made it to the second trimester!

Last week I started back at work. The insomnia is still bothering me at some point between 3-5am so I am generally exhausted by mid-afternoon, but at least things are not crazy yet at work, thanks to my understanding boss and colleagues, I am able to ease back into work and not fall immediately into the typical investment banking pace.  It was also good to get out of the house and my pajamas for once and feel like I am part of the real world again.

We also started the various scans/screens.  It is pretty amazing what technology can do.  At 13 weeks, we did the OSCAR test which involves an ultrasound scan and measures the thickness of something behind the neck to estimate the risk of Down Syndrome.  Luckily the results came out okay and we are waiting for the blood test to reconfirm the results in two weeks.  This new test which just came out a few months ago allow a blood test from the mother to determine the baby's DNA with 99% accuracy so we most likely won't have to go through an amnio which my doctor advised against given my unstable conditions in the first trimester.  The doctor was very thorough with the scan, so we could see the size of the baby's head, the blood flow into the baby's heart, and of course, know the sex of the baby.  Mic wanted to keep that a secret for now so I will have to continue to call it little K until we are ready to reveal the secret on the blog.

The shock, however, came when we counted the baby's toes and fingers --- our little K will likely be born a superhero with 6 fingers on the right hand!  I was sort of joking with the doctor when I asked the question about ten toes and fingers, but when he actually started counting on the screen I almost froze  as I counted with him.  My dad didn't respond so well to the news, sighing on the phone in his clear disappointment which probably is not a an uncommon reaction for someone hoping for a normal grandchild.  It took me about a day to get over this, first doing lots of research online about the condition and what we should we do in the future, and also just adjusting to the fact that things are not what I expected them to be, already.  On the bright side, all the other organs appear to be fine, which is the more important thing to little K's future health, and the hand is really just a cosmetic thing more than anything else if we are conforming to the world view that a five-finger hand is the standard of beauty.  I had reflected long and hard about my reaction to this --- my initial disappointment (not as pronounced as my father, but clearly I was a little stressed), and talking through with mic about how as parents, we need to acquire the skill to face all adversities in life when things don't go as planned.  This is merely the first of many tests we will face as parents.

Remembering that mic actually had the same condition when he was born, on both hands, at least I was reassured that the X-Man race can also grow up to be fantastic human beings - incredibly smart, loving, and caring.  I would certainly not trade the superhero I married for anyone else in the world.  As for little K, I thought to myself, we will love you no matter what, because you are our precious little super hero, beautifully and wonderfully made by God.

Week 12: Almost There...

As I am approaching the end of the first trimester, the energy seems to flow back to my body day by day. I am starting to feel a little resemblance to my old self, and hoping that little K is continuing to grow in my slightly bloating tummy.

It's a little too early to say I am showing but if you look closely I do constantly look like I just had a huge meal and there's no way I can button up my jeans again.  Mic said the shape is different from my usual tummy fat but a little more rounded.  I tried to suck in my tummy but realized I cannot, so it must be the home for little K is finally starting to rise up above the pelvic area.  The gas situation is still pretty bad -- I get bloated from eating just about everything, AND not eating, then spending the rest of the day trying to either pass it through the unpleasant way of throwing up or the other more embarrassing way of farting.  Needless to say that leaves me still a little bit anti-social, since my husband is probably the only person who can stand me in these conditions.

The next major milestone would be all the genetic screenings in a few weeks time.  Hope that little K has 10 fingers, 10 toes, and all the right things in the right place!  I pray that God will continue to look out for us and little K as he did over the last few months.  It seems like a distant bad dream yet it was only a month ago we were in the hospital fearing the loss of little K.  Learning that we are ultimately not in control was a valuable and humble lesson, and facing the next milestone, I hope I have the faith to not worry.

Week 11: Wiggly Little One

Today's doctor's visit is kind of exciting --- instead of just the heart beating, we were able to see the baby moving around, waving its little arm and legs!  It's still just a tiny little thing at 4cm, but amazing how active it looks on screen.  I almost hoped that the ultrasound session could last a little longer so I can see little K for a little bit longer.  Mic was convinced it was a boy because it was so active.  I am not so sure because if little K takes on any of it's parents qualities, the boy is the slow one around the house!

The doctor gave me a note to stay rested for two more weeks at home and then I must face the inevitable going back to work days.  But by then I should be out of the miserable first trimester fatigue and nausea, especially I have now advanced to actually throwing up part of my lunch and dinner, it is nice to have a little more time at home.

Slowing Down

I have been out of the office for 7 weeks now, and the doctor just ordered me to stay at home for at least another 2 weeks until the wound closes up.

I joked with my friends that I was hoping to take things easy for the first trimester, little did I know the slowing down happened somewhat involuntarily, including some hospitalization and more doctor's visits than I can remember.

God has a funny way of making your wishes come true.

It is, however, also a great time for me to learn to slow down. I have always been an active person, energized by activities (Mic used to hate how I wake up early in the mornings, and now I sleep at least 3 hours more than him each day). These two months I had to learn to find peace in a much slower pace and be at ease with my limited physical ability. My friend K gave me a religious book with daily prayers to read, and there was one paragraph that particularly resonated with me.

"In the fast and frenzied pace of this world, allow yourself to submit to the fatigue. Allow it to calm you, settling into the restfulness and peace that come only from God. Thank him for life's slowdowns".

Even though the events of the unstable part of the pregnancy was scary, I am thankful that I had so much time to rest and slow down in probably one of the least comfortable trimesters. I am thankful that my bosses and colleagues have been more than understanding of my situation; I am thankful for the great medical care (and fantastic health insurance!) I have; I am thankful for friends who love and care about me so dearly, and even their mothers for bringing me ginger candy to ease the queasiness; I am thankful for a husband who shows his love in so many ways and a marriage that is just bright and warm like the sun even after 10 years, making me ever confident that we will raise a great family together; I am thankful for the family that I have, for my loving aunt in the US that I can spend hours on the phone with during my insomnia days.

Slowing down, is not so bad after all.