Insomnia yet again

I am up at 230AM, from the uncontrollable sweat, yet another pregnancy symptom -- the rise of your body temperature, and body type (體質) according to the ancient Chinese. At least while I was chowing down the bowl of Korean noodles last night I thought to myself how very lucky all the food have stayed down no problem for the last two months.

It's hard to believe it's been almost two months, 8 weeks to be exact. I have recovered a lot from the shock of last Wednesday's doctor's visit and trying as best as I can to stay patient and hopeful while letting the realistic expectations sink in before we find out more on Friday this week. Revisiting many of my friend's blogs about their experience of miscarriage and knowing that they have all come through the experience and now with healthy babies in their arms have given me some comfort that even in the worst case scenario we will learn to cope.

Sometimes knowing too much too early may have just brought unnecessary worries. In the US apparently people don't go for their first check up until week 11 or 12 --- so if we were in the US, I'd probably still be thoroughly enjoying my first trimester without any worries. While in Hong Kong us wanting to find the heartbeat as soon as it becomes audible at week 7, and trying to find all sorts of reasoning as to why the embryo is not developing as scheduled is just bringing unnecessary worries to a process that is probably not meant to be calculated as such. I for one became overly obsessed with information found over the internet on the week-by-week guides of how the baby develops, and overly disappointed with the doctor's findings.

Clearly I still am, otherwise I won't be up writing about this at 3AM. Letting go and trusting that God has the best plans for us really does take some hard work.