How this letter will ever reach you I don't know, but I don't want to let you go without a proper goodbye, and I have so much to tell you before you even arrived.
Mommy is trying to be brave about tomorrow but I have to admit to you it is really hard. I am terrified about tomorrow. Daddy always calls me a whiny sick baby as I don't deal with pains very well. I have never been in an operation room in my life and I cannot believe the first time is to say goodbye to you. You come with so much anticipation as we have been waiting for your arrival for years, yet we chose to trust God that he has a time and plan for us and everything happens for a reason. I still cannot comprehend why this is not the right time yet, but perhaps Mommy and Daddy still have work to do before we bring you into this world, and for the time being, you are better off in heaven.
I also wanted to tell you about Hong Kong -- this is the magical city that Mommy and Daddy met, and settled into our home today. It's a dazzling city with beautiful lights but lots of temptation, temptation of money, fame, and materialism. But I am so glad that your Daddy and I share the same value, and over the years, have found a way to grow stronger in each other's love, co-exist with the city but living by our own ways. We wanted the same for you when you arrive, to know that the most valuable thing in life is the love you share, that relationships with family and friends are so much more important than what you wear or what you own; and that without love, life loses meaning.
The home we have in Hong Kong is something Mommy and Daddy worked very hard on. I am very proud that we earned every penny ourselves for the house and decorated it with so much thought and love, it now is one of my favorite places to be. Mommy is very content with our home and wished nothing bigger and fancier and only wanted to fill the home with more special moments shared with Daddy and our friends. One day, when you join us again and grow up to be on your own, I wanted you to learn the same level of financial responsibility from Mommy and Daddy -- not that we don't want to take care of you with what we have, but for you to understand how important it is to earn and enjoy the fruits of your own labour, to want things only within your capability, and be able to take care of yourself, not take the support from others for granted, and not be a burden on others.
Hong Kong also has bad air quality, which always worried me as I carry you around. I tried to hold my breath going past fumes in the city, but I know that small act of mine is not going to help very much. Ultimately we live in a strange world, where the world is still exploiting the poor, desiring goods beyond ones need and dumping the bad manufacturing processes to the developing countries. As a result, we are not living near the rolling green hills, running clear streams that perhaps I would like to bring you to one day. I was secretly hoping that you will be a very clever kid, just like your Daddy, and take on a worldly view and maybe help change some of that nonsense in the world. If anything I felt short of in my own life, is the inability to live a larger purpose and help more people. But of course I also know I must resist the temptation to shape you into who I want you to be, but let you be who you really are. I think that is the hardest thing for Mommy and maybe when you join us next time around, I will have been better at this.
I also wanted you to know the angels in Mommy's life -- Mommy didn't grow up with my own mommy, but instead I grew up with a bunch of mommies -- my grandmother and aunts. They cared for me no less than a mommy would and loved me perhaps more. I hope we will bring you back into this world soon that you will get to meet your great grandmother. She's already 96 years old and I certainly hope that she will live long enough to wait for your arrival again. She's the most amazing lady to me and taught me everything I know, but unfortunately she's been sick for the last few years with a terrible illness that takes away her memories. Mommy have the most beautiful memories with her and she's the person that taught me how love can be so selfless and wonderful. I look up to her as the only and best example as how I hope to be with you one day. And there are my aunties, your great aunties -- they have been helping me with the process of saying goodbye to you and will be helping to nurse Mommy back to health in Taipei after you leave us. I am sure you will see them in the future.
Oh, and Taipei. This is mommy's home town that will forever hold a special spot. The great thing is Daddy loves the city, too, and we have been talking about moving back to Taipei one day once we have you, so that you get to grow up experiencing one of best places on earth. You will also learn the only proper way Chinese should be written! We are now all world citizens and hard to call a single place home, but I hope you will also share the special feeling for Taipei as Mommy has.
Dear little K, I have so much so much more to tell you, but I have to learn to say goodbye, and let you go. We love you so much and we look forward to the day we welcome you back.
-Mommy
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